Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Broken (The Apostles Series), by Shelly Coriell

On occasion, I get an advanced reading copy of a book that hasn't been released. This was one that I was invited to read, and once I started could not put it down!

Now, I love me some crime and mystery and romantic suspense.

This book had it all.

Star investigative reporter Katrina Erickson was brutally attacked and left for dead, only she survived only to be attacked again. She knows to survive, she has to disappear. Hiding and on the run as Kate Johnson, she’s carved out a hidden life as a caregiver and part-time jewelry maker. Still, she knows her luck will run out as her attacker won’t stop until she’s dead.

Three years after the original attack, reporters are being butchered again. FBI Investigator Haydeen Reed has been chasing the "Broadcast Butcher" but knows that only one person can help him catch the madman: Kate. Reed tracks down Kate, who must not only convince her to come out of hiding to help find the killer, but learn to trust again.

“It’s a broken system, a broken word, Agent Reed, shattered and ugly and full of evil.”

The author allows the reader to follow the hunt of the killer through the lens of multiple character perspectives. It’s been a long time since I’ve barreled through a mystery/suspense book and this one was a good read with a few unexpected plot twists! With the right amount of suspense, intrigue and character romance, Shelley Coriell creates a cast of individuals that you want to not only root for, but see again in future books.

This is the first in what appears to be a series, so I'm waiting to see what she does next. 

Impromptu Happy Hour

You know that group of friends that can jump on a happy hour faster than a kid chasing an ice-cream truck? Those are my friends. My work crew. So of course, last night while conducting a freshman orientation session (those are such joy!), my co-worker told me "Hey, everyone is running over to the new craft beer place across the street to check it out."

To which I said: "Well, let's hurry this shit up and get over there!"

 Because it's beer, y'all. And beer with this gang can lead to anything. Anything.

Last night: Beer. Nachos. Conversations about another alehouse that sports ten dollar ginormous hot dogs and a hamburger called the BAMF, which of course stands for Big Ass Mother Fucker, and well all screamed HELL YA!! We need to go there just for THAT!

Then, it led to conversations on a road trip to Vegas with everyone crammed into one room with air mattresses and drinking all night, then attending the graduation ceremony of the youngest padawan as he becomes a mini-Jedi-warrior.

Then it changed to the wedding planning of the same dude that got me the f-out of freshmen orientation hell, and his arrangements for the location, photographer, videographer, the dj, and omigod....my relief that I'm running out of town for that shit (hell, I'm going out of the country!) and don't have to deal with the family drama surrounding all THAT. Then he announced that his lovely wife-to-be had found her dress. DRESS? Fuck. Their wedding is in December. Mine is in July. I haven't found a dress. I haven't even started looking. BUT I did find two fantastic bathing suits and a giant hat for lying on the beach and my kindle is loaded up with all kinds of trashy novels to read. Note to self: GET ON THAT DRESS SHIT PRONTO!

Which then led to the issue of a bachelor  /bachelorette party. Combo. Both of us in one shot. Fine, this could be fun, right? Um, then midget strippers came into play. And a party-bus with a stripper pole inside. Then a Thor-look-alike stripper because I have this whole Marvel/Thor-crush going on.

This is when I got the hell out of dodge and head home, telling the man about the conversation I just left. He asks "Will it include Bridget the Midget?"

 WHO?? WHAT???

What. The. Fuck? How does he know the actual name of a midget stripper? And why was he smiling? Who have I been living with?? 

Of course, then evening ended with the man doing the Michael Jackson Beat-It dance in the backyard while we were listening to music, grilling steaks and drinking more beer (okay, HE was grilling, I sat and watched. and laughed at his MJ moves).

Little did I know that after I left the bar, the dudes still there actually GTS (that's Googled That Shit in case you didn't know...) and CALLED a stripper asking if the THOR costume was cool.
According to said professional "it's all good, just let us know.". FML.

Just a day in the life my friends.....just a day in the life. Life is good.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Game of Thrones - Oathkeeper

So the man comes in the room and tells me I have to watch this video before I watch GoT tonight.
 Yah. Welcome to my life.

Okay, so Game on!  

My. Name. Is. Grey. Worm. I. Come. From. Summer. Ills. 

It's time. Time for what you ask? Well, Daenerys sends Grey to have a chat with the slaves. The slaves are storming the castle trying to get under the bars and shit. They push their way into the underground tunnel (sewer system), and once they're in their secret lair, they find Grey has brought them swords and essentially tells them to kick some ass. Graffiti on the walls tells the masters to go eff the hell off, and the slaves come a-chargin'-in! Yay! Everyone is celebrating their freedom. It's the great wall of I'm no longer a slave. Daenerys goes to the top of the wall and asks "Remind me, how many children did the great masters nail to the posts?" 160. Despite being advised to have mercy, she's all "no way fool, I will answer justice with justice." and starts stringing those master bastards up in their Jesus Christ poses, and leaves them screaming.

Jamie gets his ass knocked to the dirt with his own hand. LOL.  After playing with swords, Jamie visits Tyrion in his cell telling him, hey, these digs aren't as bad as mine were when I was held captive. Jamie asks if he killed Cersei's son. Tyrion says "um, her son?" (wink-wink). yah, we all know that little Joffrey was the product of the twins. Tyrion is worried that his three judges all want him dead, including his father and sister. Jamie chuckles "well, she did ask".
You're really asking if I killed your son? 
You're really asking if I'd kill my brother? 

Jamie says that Cersei is also looking for Sansa, thinking she might have had something to do with it. Tyrion says she's not a killer. Matters not, for Cersei is in turbo bitch mode.

Sansa asks LittleFinger "Did you kill Joffrey?" LF denies it, asks if Tyrion did it, to which Sansa says no. But then says oh, hey. You were involved. LittleFinger tells Sansa, um, hey did you notice that there was a stone missing in that fake necklace? Poison. He infers that he has new friends that he is working with. He doesn't admit it, but says "A man with no motive is a man no one suspects. always keep your fools confused. They can't know what you plan to do next." LF says he takes risks to get what he wants -- and he wants everything. 

Margaery 's gramma  is getting ready to leave. She tells the story of how she was going to be married to a Targaryan with a twitchy face. She conveniently got lost and happened upon her sister's betrothed Luther. She gave him good sexy times and he forgot all about the sister. Gramma says "Dear child, you don't think I'd let you marry that beast Joffrey?", while adjusting the necklace Margaery is wearing. Okay, wait? Gramma did it? Gramma and Little Finger's people?

Snow is teaching the men how to fight. Allister comes in and tells him it's not your job to teach them, go empty a chamber pot or something. Allister and Janos plot against Snow.

Censei sends for Jamie asking how many guards are outside Tommin's door. Why did  Catelyn Stark set you free? Why? She tells him he made a deal with the enemy by agreeing to find her children. He said he made that promise so he could get back to sister-love. Cersei asks "If I told you to leave and find Sansa and bring me her head woud you do it? I know you went to see Tyrion." she bitches some more, blah blah, then dismisses him. 

Margaery goes and visits Tommin in teh middle of the night, telling him she is to be his bride and they should get to know each other ifyouknowwhatImean...Um, how old is he? Does he even have chest hair? So she doesn't actually finish him off, just tells him her nighty-night visits are their little secret and she kisses his forehead and leaves. Awwww.

Jamie gives the sword that he was given to Brienne, asks her to defend Lady Stark's children. He also gives her a new suit of armor because what he-woman doesn't want a new armored suit from her suitor? She's all drooly. Jamie also tries to give her a squire who says " I promise I won't slow you down sir....er....um.....lady".  Brienne names her sword "Oathkeeper".

Snow tells his men the Knights Watch is a brotherhood, and asks who will join him. *crickets* *crickets*. Finally, men start to stand. One by one. Of course, this displeases Allister. If only he would choke on a chicken bone!

Kreepy Karl is drinking from a skull, and talking trash to everyone in the room. he's on a drunken rant, telling everyone he was a legend. "You should shut your face, you look like a ball sack. stupid cunt face." Sounds just like the compliments my friends and I give each other after a few glasses of wine! In comes the babyCraster, the women start chanting "gift from the gods". What are you suppose to do with him? Kill 'em says Karl.I don't need another mouth to feed. He offered them to the gods. The White Walkers.

 The baby is taken out to the snow and left there.Bran and others hears the baby crying, and Bran goes all trance face and sends his wolf to go get the babe. He finds out they have Ghost - his brother's wolf. They go and spy on the and end up captured. Stupids. 

A White Walker grabs the babe, rides on his creepy horse to the middle of nowhere, and leaves the baby on an ice-block in the middle of some icy Stonehenge thing until a witch-master white walker turns the baby into one of them.At least I think that's what happened. He put his ET phone home finger to the baby's cheek and his eyes turned ice blue, so what do you think happened?

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Love, in English, Karina Halle

You can't help who you fall in love with...

Oh Karina Halle, how I do love thee. In English, in Spanish, in any language.

Diverting from her normal genre of paranormal ghost hunters, the Jacobs, devious drug dealers, and con artists, Halle delivers a love story to end all love stories. Seriously people. It's just awesome. Remember how I said in a previous post that when I read, I feel? Damn you Karina Halle for all the emotion in this book! Damn you to the stars and back!! Not really, I love you to the ends of the universe!

Here's the story, minus spoilers. Well, as many as possible.

Vera Miles, a 23-year old astronomy student with tattoos of constellations, wild strawberry-blonde curls, and a spitfire attitude to match, travels to Spain to teach conversational English to Spanish businessmen/women. She doesn't know what she's looking for, only that it's an adventure and something better than what she has at home in Vancouver. She figures the month-long experience can enlighten her.

"Sometimes you are stuck being the person you are, and not the person you were. Or could be" - Mateo. 

While in Spain, she meets Mateo, a former football (Soccer, since it's Euro) star who is brushing up on his English to help his restaurant business. Mateo is gorgeous. And he's married. And he has a daughter.

Vera and Mateo are paired with each other for conversational sessions. The two develop a friendship that grows deeper. The friendly banter turns to flirtation. The flirtation turns into feelings.  A question a day provides soulful insight into each character. While everyone around them can see what is happening between them, they deny it. Or at least Vera does.

"The thing was, I didn't do love. I didn't have time to put up with complicated relationships or put my heart and soul out there for someone to step on. Love was scarier than deep space." - Vera

Cynical. But with good reason. She's seen first hand how love can crush a person. A family. How it changes people. She's not having any part in that!

Despite conversations with her friend Claudia, she doesn't believe that she can love someone she's only known a week. Ah Claudia. We all need a friend like her - hopeful, insightful, funny.

"You can fall in love in a second...the heart has no regard for time" - Claudia.

By the end of their time, they both realize two things. One, neither one is quite happy with their current life. Two, yes, they do love each other and need each other to really live.

"I cannot imagine going back to the life I had before because that was no life at all. That was just existing. That was just chasing down the next day so I could feel it pass under me. You made me stop chasing the days. You made me hold onto them." - Mateo

Of course, any good story doesn't end there. They must part ways, Vera returning to Vancouver. Mateo staying in Spain.

"There will be nights where you will feel alone and lost. Where I feel alone and lost. When that happens, I want us to both remember this, right now. Bring our thoughts back to this room, this moment. Where we aren't lonely. Where we are both found"
"I hope it will be enough "
"It will never be enough. "
Then, each makes a decision that will change their lives forever. No, I'm not telling you what it is -- read the book!

Bottom line, the book has just enough build up that you're not bored waiting for something to happen. Just enough angst that you're not left feeling like you want to hurl the Kindle at the wall. Just enough romance that it's not over the top sappy. It's progressive. It covers a span of time. It's emotional. It's real.

Go. Read. Now. I know I say this about many books, but really, just do it. I won't steer you off a cliff. This is a stand-alone, so no cliffhangers, no waiting for the next installment. When you finish, you've taken the same journey and reached the same ending as the characters. Just as it should be.

So, I'm about to use my PhD voice for a moment (you've been warned):
When teaching freshman in a learning community, I would ask them to identify "strong lines" as they were reading and write about how them. Free-form writing, journal entries about what those "strong lines" invoked. I found myself highlighting so many strong lines in this book! I have to share a few of the more powerful ones for me. Yes, they're all about Love. Amor. Liebe. Amore: <3

"Love causes war and death, breaks souls and breaks lives. It runs people into the ground, makes then behave like moronic, immoral beasts, before it dances off leaving only distraction in its wake -hearts blown open for the whole world to see" - Vera

"Love puts the blame on the poor souls who succumb to it. Love the ultimate villainess. She makes examples of all of us. And yet, we come back for more. We keep playing the role she gives us. For one more chance to feel alive."  - Vera

" Love is like a thief, it robs you of all thought and logic and all you have left is a heart that you can only pray is strong enough to survive the rest." -- Mateo 

"For as long as man has been around, he has felt governed by the stars. But I do not believe this to be true. ...The stars are not unreachable. They are not untouchable. And they do not control us. I just took the concepts of stars and make them my own. I just created my own universe. Design your own universe, make your own stars, write your own stories, and create your own destiny."
-- Mateo

Want more? Of course you do!!  Visit Karina Halle at  http://authorkarinahalle.com/ 
Twitter: @MetalBlonde 
Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Karina-Halle/140649372629593
Get the book @ Amazon
Also check out her Experiment in Terror, Artist's Trilogy, and the Devil's Metal / Devil's Reprise books. You won't be disappointed! 

Sunday, April 20, 2014

You're a hateful woman!

Joffrey is still dead!! YAY!!! Okay on to the rest of the episode....

Sansa has left, ran away with Dontos the  drunk fool, ran to the sea, and jumps in to a boat and paddles off into the fog. Off to the big bad pirate ship they go! As she climbs into the ship, someone grabs her and drags her up. 

Lord Baelish (Little Finter) swoops her up into the ship! What?? Why is he there? 

Little Finger tells her that the necklace that she wears, the gift from the fool that was an heirloom from his mother, is really something that he made a few weeks ago. One of Finger’s men shoots the fool who delivered her to the ship — so as to protect the secret of Sansa’s fleeing. Little Finger tells her that she’s safe and that they’re now fleeing home.

Margaery and her grandmother talk about Joffrey’s death, and she tells her that she’s probably better off for it. Margaery is freaking out over the death of yet another one of her men. Gramna tells her she’s going to be fine….just fine. Um, okay. 

 Twyin, Cersei, and Tommen are all sad and boo-hoo-ing over
 Joffrey’s death. They’re standing in the room talking over his body as daddy Tywin prepares young Tommen for his new role as future king. Twyin tells Tommen that wisdom is what makes a great king. A wise king knows what he knows and recognizes the things he doesn’t know. You’re young – you’ll listen to the counsel when you are young and long after. Tywin says that Joffrey was not a  wise king as he didn’t listen to his counsel. Yah, because he was a twit!! “Perhaps if he had, he’d still be alive.” Yikes! 

Cersei believes that the brother she isn’t sleeping (Tyrion people, keep up with me) with killed her son. She recalls him saying that he would kill her son and ruin her happiness. Avenge him! Kill Tyrion! Jamie says: What? No way dude. That’s my brother, our brother. Cersei doesn’t care. She wants him dead. 

Jamie tells her you’re a hateful woman. Why did the gods make me love a hateful woman? Then, brother and sister get it on beneath a dead Joffrey. She resists, he pushes, she says stop, he says no way. Um, they’re sick. Cersei says it’s not right…Jamie grunts “I don’t care!” So is this all sister rapey shit or did Cersei finally give into her brother lover again? Hmm, hard to tell. Some cry rape, others say not so much. A little change of writing from the books, me thinks.  

Hound and Arya are going toward Fairmarket. As other travelers notice the, Arya says “forgive my father. He was wounded”…and goes on to tell them a story of how he was a warrior and blah blah blah, lies lies whatever. The strangers offer them a place to say and rabbit stew. At dinner, Hound says grace stating “we ask the stranger not to kill us in our beds tonight for no damn reason at all.” They suck up the soup while the strangers look on as if, “What the hell is wrong with you people?” The man offers Hound “Fair wages for fair work”, and while Hound seems to agree, he smacks the dude on the head and steals his silver. Arya calls him a shit, and Hound says he just knows how things are, then asks her “how many Starks do they have to behead before you figure it out?” Ouch. Low blow, dude. Low blow. 

Stannis tries to figure out how he’s going to win the throne. He things that Melisandre’s curse killed Joffrey. Um, okay.  

Gilly and her baby are taken to a brothel by Sam, asking for room and board and to clean, and cook, and look after the other girls babies. Sam tells her she’ll be safer here, and he can’t just run away. He says she has to trust him that it’s for the best. “Best for you” she states.

Prince Oberyn is whoring it up again, orgy style in the brothel. Oberyn is asked by Ellari “you love them both the same, boys and girls”. He’s all: double the pleasure, double the fun!  Lord Twyin comes in spoiling their fun. Oberyn asks him to sit (on the bed) and Twyin is says no thank you, which really means, um, no way in hell am I sitting on that crusty bed. 

Tywin tells him he thinks he plotted to kill Joffrey since he has a knowledge of poisons. Oberyn tells Tywin he things he had his sister killed.   They have a chat, and they talk about helping each other serve justice to help their own needs. 

Tyrion’s a prisoner. Podrick brings him food and drink. Tyrion asks him about Shae, and what people are saying about him. Podrick tells him that he’ll be facing trial. He said of course I didn’t do it, if I did, I wouldn’t do it while I was left standing there gawking at the dying twit. Lord Tywin, Mace Tyrell, and Prince Oberyn are to serve at the trial. Tyrion asks for his own witnesses, and he asks for Sansa. Podrick tells her she’s gone, no one has seen her since the wedding. Tyrion tries to determine who will be present as witnesses. Podrick Payne would be his new name if he testifies against Tyrion. Tyrion tells Pod no way dude. Get out of Kings Landing before it’s too late and they chop of your head as well as mine. He walks out and Tyrion pays him a compliment as he leaves. 

The Wildlings attack a small camp. One of them takes a small boy who knows how to get to Castle Black, and tells him he is going to eat his dead mama and papa. Ewwww. Sick. The night watch says they are the ones that need to keep an eye on the wall, and the Wildings breach will roll over everyone and everything. So, defend the wall dudes. 

 Daenerys gets challenged by a champion of the slaves. He hurls some insults, saying he wants to finds a challenger. Tells Daenerys her dudes are an army of men without man parts. They hide their cock in their own asshole. Them are fighting words!! All of the men that worship Daenerys volunteer, but she cannot sacrifice them. Instead, Daario says he’ll do it. The slave champion rides toward Daario who just stands there, all cool, waiting for the charging horse. He lifts his dagger, kisses it, and flings it into the eye of the horse! Ewww. The horse throws down his rider, and Daario takes out his blade and Whomp. Whoosh. Dead. 

Daenerys tells the people their masters have told them lies about her. She has nothing to say to them, only to you, my people. She tells of freeing the slaves in other cities. So, here, Meereen. I can do the same. I am not your enemy. Your enemy is beside you, steals and murders your children. I bring you a choice. And I bring your enemies what they deserve. 

She fires crates filled with shackles at the castles. The slaves pick them up and see, Whoa, she’s for reals.

Friday, April 18, 2014

What to read next?

What to read? What to read? 

That's the question of the day. I have reached a point where I've read to the end of several book series. I've read stand alone books. I've finished an older series before reading the new release by an author, and I'm stuck. What next? 

Normally, I choose which book to read next by the feeling I get - Is there a good cover? Those that know me understand, yes, I do judge a book by it's cover. Does the synopsis sound interesting? Is it the next in the series? Is it going to make me laugh? Cry? Feel? Is there scandal and drama and angst?

So, a few new books have come out recently and they're like, number 12 in the list with prior characters and plot twists and crap that I need to know about before I start said new release. So, I'm embarking down a road I said I wouldn't go down. I'm diving into cheesy vampire stories. As a fabulously fantastic blogger told me "It's cheesily delicious!" I'm in for at least a dozen before I can get to the new book. Depending on how they are, this might take me a little over a week so check back for updates on which series I'm talking about.

BUT Wait, I just got a recommendation!!!  "Lamb - The Gospel According to Biff" 
According to Amazon:

The birth of Jesus has been well chronicled, as have his glorious teachings, acts, and divine sacrifice after his thirtieth birthday. But no one knows about the early life of the Son of God, the missing years -- except Biff, the Messiah's best bud, who has been resurrected to tell the story in the divinely hilarious yet heartfelt work "reminiscent of Vonnegut and Douglas Adams" (Philadelphia Inquirer).
Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings, kung fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes. Even the considerable wiles and devotion of the Savior's pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny. But there's no one who loves Josh more -- except maybe "Maggie," Mary of Magdala -- and Biff isn't about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight.

Hmm. Zombie Jesus, Kung-fu, Demons, and Maggie? It's Easter weekend after all. And I've got that whole non-practicing Catholic thing going on (meaning, I sometimes show up at holidays, weddings, don't eat meat on Fridays during lent, follow most of the commandments, but everything else is subjective). So maybe I should read this before I read about hot Vampires that don't sparkle.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

I'm the Scandal!

It's the funeral for Senator Hightower. You hear the President's voice: "It’s a great honor and privilege to be here today" …except, the President is NOT there. Sally is. so is Leo, and the VP dude. 

In rushes Jake to the inner sanctum: Mr. President, we have a situation. 

Everyone is being rushed out of the church as the news coverage indicates there is a bomb at Hightower’s funeral. Bomb goes off. Eyes on the VP. She’s on the move. Leo holds on to her before she can get into a waiting car, telling her it’s her “Pearl Harbor, 911”. It’s her time. Really? Ugh. “BE JESUS”. Really? Sally, you’ve sunk really low. And Sally does what she does best – puts on a show.  “Every American will be with them. I will be with them. We will not turn the other cheek. We will be just. We will be swift. And we will be ruthless.” Oh Sally, you know ruthless well.  

Olivia goes to Cyrus after she has a shouting match with the television producer that chose to show Sally and not Fitz’s speech on the explosion. Cyrus admits they are going to lose the election. Hmm, now you’ve had a hand in determining TWO elections, haven’t you?  

Sally has been canonized. Fitz just cannot steal back the headlines. He is resigned to lose. Mellie says “I want a refund”. LOL. I might be on team Mellie. She’s a funny drunk. 

Cyrus and Leo share a toast to the victor. Cyrus shares a bit of advice: Protect your soul if you have one. 

Hamilton squares off with Adnan.  He returns to the Pope headquarters, walking in with Abby to find Huck hucking Quinn. Abby screams My eyes!!! Nooo!! Omigod!!! 

Fitz tells Olivia that since he’s losing the election, they can just move to Vermont and she can make jam and pop out babies. Two of them in fact. He tells her he doesn’t care about Mellie. Olivia breaks and tells Fitz Mellie’s secret – that daddy Jerry raped her. Fitz doesn’t believe Olivia and looks shocked. He goes to Mellie, finding her downing the rest of her drink. One look at him, and she knows he knows. She quips “Olivia Pope can’t do anything right.” See? Mellie has great one-liners!Mellie tells him that Jerry is Fitz’s son, not his dad’s. Fitz says he doesn’t care. BUT…those results aren’t real are they? “I fought him. I fought.” She breaks.  Fitz knows he can’t leave Mellie. Olivia tells him “Vermont’s not happening.” 
Papa Pope is alive. Olivia visits him in the hospital, saying the knife just nicked his heart – which means he isn’t the tin man. Liv admits that she was scared when she saw all that blood, and daddy and daughter share a precious moment. Awwwww. 
Fitz makes a big speech at a school with his family standing behind him, and Olivia is at the hospital with her daddy.  After hanging up with Fitz, she walks back into her dad’s hospital room to find mommy dearest sitting next to her dad’s bed. Mom says she did it to protect Olivia because he would hurt her in the end. Olivia asks if any of it was real, referring to her childhood and her family. 
Jerry is coughing up blood during the presidential speech. Mellie freaks calling Fitz, who is stops his speech to see his son drop to the floor. The president is shown carrying his son out of the school to a waiting ambulance. 

Hospital reports are in (wow that was fast), indicating his son passed away from Bacterial Meningitis. That’s some nasty shit. They lost their child and NOW Olivia and Cyrus agree they are going to win the election. Cyrus admits he was going to let the church blow up with everyone in it. Olivia asks “How did we get like this? When did we stop being people.” Cyrus asks “Were we ever people? Or did serving the president just help us shed our skins and unmasks us as the monsters we really are?” 
The President is told that a vial of the strain was kept at the CDC and it went missing. The first son was murdered. Papa Pope walks out to find Fitz in the hospital who tells Pope it was Maya that killed his son. And now he is going to kill her. PP vows to help get MP and not through normal channels. Now Olivia is freaked, and Fitz tell her it’s not her fault. 

Quinn tells Charlie she doesn’t want to hurt him, and he hands her an envelope. Open it, don’t open it, whatever. Of course, Quinn needs to bend down pick up that shit and see what’s inside. She takes the envelope, finds Huck, and takes him to his family. The envelope has information on Huck’s REAL family. He’s freaked. Asks why she would do this, Quinn says it’s because she loves him. This is his real family. He goes to Olivia and tells him they are safe, and better off not knowing that he’s alive. Leaving them behind was the best thing that ever happened to them…but not to Huck. He breaks down crying in Olivia’s arms. Poor Huck. He’s one effed up dude after that B-613 thing. 
Papa Pope is looking for Mama. He tells Olivia that he doesn’t want her involved. She asks him if that plane he got for her and the offer of a new life, does it still stand? 

Olivia goes to headquarters, and tells Abby and Huck she’s leaving. Abby wont’ accept it. Huck asks when she is leaving. Olivia says they’ll be taken care of, her father will take care of them. Abby is pissed and says “Go. Run to Daddy”. Daddy finds Hamilton, demanding to know everything about Adnan and Maya Pope. “You are in over your head. Adnan is dead.” Hamilton knows where Maya is going to collect her cash.  

Jake is no longer the property of the United States government, he’s not B-613 anymore, he’s just a regular guy, sitting down drinking a beer, watching a game. Rosen doesn’t buy it. 

After Olivia quits, Jake shows up at Olivia’s place, asking her “You quit OPA?” Huck spilled the beans. Olivia feels the pressure of it all – she’s the center. The eye of the storm. Jake tells her she is having a pity party. Olivia says she’s handling it. Fixing it. I’m the thing that needs to be fixed. I’m the Scandal!
Jake: “Take me with you”.
Olivia: “Jake.”
Jake:  “Take me with you. Run away with me. Save me”.
Olivia: “I’m in love with someone else.”
Jake: “You’re leaving everything else behind. Leave that behind too. Don’t go alone. You don’t have to be alone.”
Olivia: “You want to stand in the sun with me”
Jake: “I want us to stand in the sun together. Will you do that?”

Just like a freaking romance novel. Seriously Olivia? GO WITH TEAM JAKE! 

Maya Pope was apprehended when trying to make a bank withdrawal. Papa Pope tells the President that Maya Pope is dead. Harrison asks where is Olivia? She’s gone. Gone Gone. 

Papa is reinstated as the head of B-613. Hamilton finds it funny that Jerry wasn’t killed by Maya Pope. If B-613 is back online, then it’s Daddy that killed Jerry. “My daughter wanted him to be president. And he is. He took my child, and so I took his.”Hamilton is surprised at how low PP is willing to go to get what he wants. “You killed that man just to get me to talk?”

“You can’t take Command, son.” EEK!  “It’s a shame. A waste of great talent.” A gun is raised before Hamilton, and you know what’s coming. Papa Pope states: “It’s good to be back.”
Maya Pope isn’t dead of course. She’s in the B-613-hole! 

Fitz falls on his knees in his office before the presidential seal. Olivia is getting on a plane. With Jake. Dave Rosen has boxes with a note from Jake “Go get the bad guys” and files labeled B-613. Huck goes to his family and rings the doorbell. 

AND….that’s your finale people! 

So, where are Olivia and Jake going? What’s going to happen to Maya Pope? Huck went back to his family but do they want him home? What will Fitz do when he realizes that Olivia is GoneGone.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Game of Thrones: The Lion and the Rose AKA: Joffrey imitates Loki

Game of Thrones: The Lion and the Rose

AKA: Joffrey imitates Loki

This episode begins with Ramsay and Myranda use some hell hounds to chase a girl through the woods. After shooting her with arrows so she can’t move, the hounds get to feast (because they’ve earned it). Ramsay brings Theon to Dreadfort, and Bolton is pissed to see that Ramsay messed that boy up! He trained him, by flaying a few bits, and removing a few others (Yikes! Did he take off his twigs and berries?). Bolton reminds that bastard he’s a Snow. He wanted to use him as a bargaining chip for some Moat Something (don’t ask – I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t remember that part of the books). He says he needed Theon. Ramsay blurts out that Bran and Rickon Stark is still alive, and Bolton goes all “Off with their heads”. In other words, hunt them down.

Tyrion and Jamie sit for lunch, but only one of them is eating.
Tyrion: Your new hand is nicer than the old one. Why is no one eating?
Jamie: I’m not hungry dude.
Tyrion: You lost a hand, not a stomach. A toast. To the proud Lannister children. The dwarf, the cripple, and the mother of madness.

They talk about his inability to fight, having a gold hand and all. Tyrion finds someone to help train Jamie become a south paw. The dude they find is hilarious! Jamie asks “Is this place safe?”
His reply: “There’s this knight. Right here is where I fuck his wife. She’s a screamer, that one. If they don’t hear her, they won’t hear us.”

Varys tells Tyrion that Cersei knows about his side-kick and Tywin has threatened to hang Tyrion for his whorish ways. Cersei tells Tywin about her at the wedding banquet.  Speaking of his whore, Shae finds Tyrion in in room, where he promptly tells her their “friendship” must end and he’s shipping her away. Shae of course calls him a coward, and a shouting match about her number ensues. He’s done with her.

Then, there’s the whole WEDDING. You know, the twit Joffrey. Okay, so Uncle Tyrion gives him a book, and Tyrion takes his new Valerian steel sword and cuts that bitch up into pieces. After giving his sword a name, he says every time he uses it, it’ll be like cutting off Ned Starks head all over again. Obviously, Sansa is not cool with that.

Gramma Olenna talks trash to Tywin.  “You ought to try something before you die!” LOL. Everyone enters the wedding arena, Olenna chats with Sansa. “Killing a man at a wedding. Horrid. As if a man needs another reason to fear marriage”

“We have a new Queen,” Sansa says. “Better her than you,” Tyrion snips. No shit huh?

 Jaime and Cersei both start pissing on their territory. Jaime gets in Ser Loras’ face about marrying Cersei. Obviously he didn’t see the looks given between him and Prince Oberyn! Jamie, no fear. Loras plays for the other team. Jamies tells Loras “If you were to marry Cersei, she’d murder you in your sleep. If you manage to put a child in her, she’ll murder it before it takes it’s first breath. You’ll never marry her.” To which Loras jabs: “And neither will you.” DAMN! Then, Cersei calls out Brienne love for Jaime. Catfight! Cersei sees Maester Pycelle and calls him out on his pervy ways. “You annoy me, right now” and demands she feed the leftovers to the dogs, and not the people as the her new Queen-Daughter-in-Law requested. 

Prince Oberian is there, he and Cersei trade jabs.
There’s jesters, and fools. Joffrey says that a wedding is not amusement, but then brings on the dwarf riders acting as the Five Kings. Really Joffrey? With Tyrion right there? You’re an ass. Obviously Joffrey is amused, Tyrion and others are pissy. Even Sansa is annoyed, but isn’t she always scowly? Then mini-Joffrey imitates chopping off Ned Starks head and fucking it making Sansa look like she wants to puke.

Joffrey cheers on his performers, then announces that surely there is someone else that would challenge his reign as king. THEN the twit calls out his uncle and asks him to participate in the fight. Tyrion says he’d rather not thankyouverymuch. Then Tyrion talks about his “performance” on the battlefield. Oh no he didn’t! We all know that the scared little twit was hiding the entire time!

Joffrey then spills wine on his uncle’s head, gets in his face and demands he bring him more wine as his cup bearer. Tyrion goes to get the cup, J-hole drops it then kicks it under a table, demanding “Bring me my goblet”. Sansa helps Tyrion by retrieving the cup and handing it to him. J-hole demands that it be filled with wine, and that’s where he gets all Loki “Kneel before your king. I SAID KNEEL!!!!!”

Leave it to the new queen Margaery to diffuse the tensions and say “look, Pie!” Joffrey take his new sword and cuts it open, and doves fly out of the top. Awww. Um, was that dead bird, or bird shit filling? Then as he eats the pie, he demands more wine, Tyrion hands him the cup that was on the table, and J-hole begins to cough. Cough Cough. Gag.  Drink more wine. And……he goes DOWN!

Mommie dearest and uncle Jamie run to him, while the fool / Dontos  tells Sansa that she has to leave now if she wants to go. Everyone’s focused on the dying Joffrey, who lifts a finger pointing at Tyrion as he is lifting the cup to inspect it. Nasty blood pours from his nose, his eyes are all bloodshot, and ding-dong the dick is dead!!

Cersei accuses Tyrion of poisoning her son, demanding he be taken by the guards.

So – who killed the king? I have no idea, but can I buy him/her a beer and a shot? Or two? 

Next week: 
Whoever killed the king wanted Tyrion’s head
Snow seeks justice
Visions and prophecies. 
Who protects them from Castle Black?
Deanerys returns throwing shit over the wall.