True Blood Season 7 Ep 2: "I Found You". AKA: Holy mother he's back!

Jason finds his healer – remember the dude who saved him last season by letting him drink from him?  Sorry, I just can’t picture HIM in this scene, so he’s Mr. Healer. But y’all know who I’m talking about right, Willis?

Anyway, he turns and says “You found me”

“Didn’t make it easy” Jason states.

“I needed space. To think.” He replies.

“How’s that working out for you?” Jason asks.

“Still thinking”

 Then Mr. Healer man asks “What about Violet?”

Well, Jay has it bad for her. I’d say after angry sex on the hood of his car, he better! But then he’s also hot for his healer. So Jay-Jay is all kinds of screwed up. First he goes after Vi on the car, then he tackles  (yes, running start, taking him down) and seduces Healer Man. Holy Man Candy!

Jason’s been busy getting all kinds of busy. Oh wait, it was all a dream. IN CHURCH!!! Bad Jason! Bad! Go say 10 Hail Mary’s and 3 Our Fathers!

I can say this scene made every single one of my gay men on Facebook and Twitter majorly freak out, post a ton of “wow”s, “Holy Shit”s, and “Thank you True Blood for the first five minutes!” True Blood… An equal opportunity giver. And this one much better/hotter/insert your adjective here than the infamous “Wanna do me now? You’ve never done this before have you” from last season. Oh come on, you remember that shaving scene, right? Google that shit! It doesn’t hold a candle to the scene this week, but does show Jason’s man fascination when he dreams.  

Sookie is still mind reading people, tells Andy about finding the dead body she tripped over last night and uses that to try to help everyone figure out where the HVamps are hiding. She leads Jason and Andy over to the body and they find the woman is from two towns over. Of course, the town has been obliterated by HVamps. Sook, Jason, Sam, Alcide, and … head over to St. Alice (or Elise depending on who you ask). Riding together, the come across the abandoned town aaaaand, we’re back to the Walking Dead. The sheriff, the mayor, the couple, the junior all find messages painted on boarded up buildings, on roofs, and on the streets. Some of it is reminiscent of Hurricane Katrina aftermath. Eerie. Cue creepy music. And a mass grave of bodies. And this WD pose.

 Told ya.

They find the house of the dead girl and Jason does pizza forensics to find out that they attacked two and a half days ago, before going to Bon Temps. Andy sees all the family photos and decides he’s had a come to Jesus moment and he needs to stop being a pussy and marry Holly once he gets her back. 

Meanwhile, Sook reads a diary of the dead girl who initially talks of happier times (and Sookie thinks of her early days with Bill), then the writing goes through the attacks of people and their disappearance, including that of the dead woman’s baby. Alcide takes the journal away. While they’re driving home, Sookie says it’s her fault for bringing this up on them. Alcide, being the supportive boyfriend, says she didn’t and she’s only guilty of falling for hard and fast for her first love. She confides that she’s afraid that their entire town is going to end up like St. Elise (or Alice, depending on who you ask), and Alcide says “not if we keep driving.” She says no. Dumb Sook. 

Kenya is bitching, Rev. talks to Mayor Sam about doing something to keep the people occupied during the night. Keeping busy and being of service is the way to go, and asks humpty-dumpty’s men to help put Belle Fleurs back together again for Arlene. Andy’s daughter Adilyn is okay to help, but needs to be in by dark, and keep Jessica uninvited. 

Everyone is at BelleFleurs cleaning up vamp goo, and then there’s a scream from the kitchen. A bunch of bodies were found in the freezer, and Vince tells Sam’s secret presto-chango shifter status. Vince convinces them to become self-sufficient and take up arms and protect themselves. Adilyn does the mind read thing and finds that someone is going to attack the sherrifs office and tells Kenya one moment before the Vince Mob rushes in to grab them and exert their God-given 2^nd amendment rights.  

Kenya states: “Don’t NRA Hillbilly me!” Yeehaw! 

After Kenya is given the anti-affirmative action talk she switches sides and joins the fight. When she tries to handcuff Adilyn, she uses her fairy-stun-gun to zap Kenya, but not good enough. Adilyn and Wade are being led away. The mob attacks and steals the guns and tries target practice in the lobby of the station. People are goin’ Commando-Rambo crazy. 

 Mama-Mae decides to check in on Lafayette. She goes to his place to see how he’s holding up. Confesses that she lost Tara a long time ago, she said her peace and took care of her last night. Mama-Mae wants more. She says that Tara came back to her, her spirit came to her, and she needs her help getting over. 

Faye snaps “That’s the V talkin’… You a drug addict you trifling bitch!”

They argue some more and Mama-Mae tells him “You’re going to hell”

Faye responds: “That’s what this is…”

Later, she accidently burns herself while cooking some fried chicken, then gets an idea on how to get her next fix. She then intentionally burns herself and talks Willa into sharing her blood to heal her until she can get to the hospital. Mama-Mae sucks that vein like a starving woman and immediately the burn heals.  Lettie-Mae doesn’t know when to say enough is enough, and goes all sucky sucky and enters the blood-alternate-universe and sees Tara hanging from a cross in the forest with a serpent around her neck. Yes, I’m rambling. 

Mama-Mae is hitting crazy town! Tara’s mumbling something that Mama-Mae can’t understand and cries out “I need the answer!” while Willa looks on in reality-land.  

In the basement of Fangtasia, the HVamps are fighting amongst themselves after Ronnie hogged all the snack food in the basement to himself. Betty the elder tells everyone that while they may die, they don’t have to act like animals. She’s elected as the new reaper. Going downstairs, she see the quivering women and takes some blond chick Belinda out screaming. Meanwhile, Arlene recognizes Ms. Harris/Betty as her kids teacher and says she won’t eat them because she’s a teacher and all.  Holly recognizes her kids teacher as well. 

“She was the only teacher who said they were smart.  I didn’t believe her but, bless her” 

Arlene recognizes the teacher and does the whole “If you tell a killer something personal about yourself they’re less likely to kill you” and talks up her kids experiences in Ms. Betty’s classroom.

She then delivers one of the two best lines of the night:

“Four lousy husbands, a serial killer boyfriend and sort-of suicide of my boyfriend to die in a dingy bar basement!”

Gotta love her. 

Ms. Betty gets the HVamps to appoint her the sleep monitor and as she gets everyone else asleep, she goes down to the basement to help the women get out of town. After feeding on Arlene, she goes all hungry town and dies in a pool of steaming mush. *Shivers* I don’t know about you but that is NOT the kind of thing I want going on between my thighs! 

The other awesome line from the women in the Vamp-basement:

“If somebody told me that I was going to die sober in a bar…”

Andy returns home and Adilyn is not home. Jessica calls out from the attic. Jessica knows through that whole blood connection that Adilyn line is in trouble and swears to help him after dark.  Andy accuses Jessica of eating his last child! Jessica asks him to get his head out of his behind and figure out if he’s going to help with the search. 

Sook and Alcide get home, she tells him he’s stinky and needs a shower before bed, but it’s only a ruse to get herself out of the house and over to Bills. Asking him “Can you still sense my fear? If I get myself into some serious shit, will you still be able to feel me.” 

Pam is in a France, then goes to a basement of some kind. “Unfuckingbelievable.”

Some hooker in the  basement says “he won’t take my blood. I don’t know what it is”. We see him, with the spiny veins showing the HVamp infection. 

Again, we hear:

“You found me”

ERIC!

Next week: it’s a showdown between Sherrif Rick and The Governor. Um, I mean Andy and Vince.

Rusty Nailed, by Alice Clayton

Rusty Nailed picks up the story of Caroline and Simon, the hilariously sexy couple from Wallbanger. The first part of the book jumps quickly through snippets of their combined life for nine months– still neighbors, still a couple, still hilarious and fun. While the story starts to move a bit slow, it’s really an insight into the lives of two busy people trying to merge into a couple. 

He’s still trotting all over the globe doing his photography thing, and she’s just been asked to take over a larger role at her work as her boss, Jillian, is getting married and going on an extended honeymoon. 

“I gazed out of the window of my new office, realizing that with the bigger office came not only bigger responsibilities, but bigger headaches…I was frazzled, freaked, and fucked.” 

As Caroline takes on a major design project in Sausalito, life gets complex. Jillian has asked her to not only take over the office, but house-sit while she is gone. The couple finds they’re splitting their time on both sides of the bay, in their own apartments, together in either his or hers, and now, in the fabulous home of a friend. A trip back to Simon’s hometown for his high school reunion gives some insight into his past, and makes him not so distant. 

Seems like his trip home, seeing old friends and his old home makes Simon think of different times. While playing house, it appears that Simon has a bit of a shift in perspective, and stops taking jobs. He’s home more – and making Caroline freak out! 

“he was…around. And the thing was, I wasn’t.”

Caroline is working non-stop. She’s tired, stressed, and not telling Simon anything about it. She’s having some adjustment issues as well. 

 “Okay, I’m going to say the thing you’re not supposed to say. I’d be glad when I had the bed to myself again. I hate to say it, but sometimes I slept better when he was on the road. But you’re not supposed to say that, right?”

Oh how I can relate! For over a decade, my man has worked an evening shift, and half of the year, weekends. I had my own time. I hogged the bed until he got in it. Now he works days – and is home every night. Every single night. Talk about adjustment! I feel ya, Caroline! 

Their friends, Mimi and Ryan, and Sophia and Neil are still around and add to the hijinks. At times the story seemed to focus on the break-up of Sophia and Neil, but it didn’t overshadow the awesomeness of Caroline and Simon. Plus, Sophia delivers the best string of curse words known to man. I absolutely laughed out loud at her rants! The dialogue is sharp as ever, and again, the focus on couple-hood, boundaries, and trust comes through while dealing with their friends drama. 

And of course, Clive is there. I hate cats but that little shit is awesome! I’m so excited that there are more books coming in this series. While the next one focuses on Simon’s high school friend, I hope to see more of all of these people that I’ve come to love. 

Alice Clayton’s writing is honest, funny, and smart. I fell in love with Wallbanger – at first because I could relate to the late night noise coming from the upstairs apartment while I was living in Berkeley (although, said neighbor was nowhere as sexy as Simon!), but after, because she makes me laugh. She makes me long for the city by the bay. How I miss living in SF. While she mixes up some of the local landmarks (The Claremont is in the Berkeley hills, not Sausalito) and I have to believe this is intentional as so many other aspects of the locale are spot on so, she’s forgiven for this :)

And yes Alice, I do agree:

“A bowl of Pho on a chilly evening was the best thing ever” 

Check out her other works on Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/pdat5am

and Barnes and Noble: http://tinyurl.com/lp3owqf

True Blood Season 7, Ep. 1: Jesus Gonna Be Here. AKA Give me a sec while I get altered.

This season of True Blood is the last….not sure how I feel about that yet. One thing is for sure –this season seems to be a cross between TB and the Walking Dead. What? How’s that you ask? 

Well, It’s the attack of the Hep-V Vamps! They’re invading towns everywhere, sucking the life out of humans, obliterating the non-infected vamps. At the first ever “mixer” thrown by Mayor Sam Merlotte (this still makes me chuckle!), the match-maker vamp/human hook-ups were interrupted by the invasion. It’s a massacre! Sam’s woman Nicole, Arlene, and Holly are all taken away, and we find later that they’re chained in the basement of Fangtasia. When the beg the evil vamp not to kill them, he goes soft on the women an instead, rips the throat out of Deputy Kevin

Among the dead (or in Vampire world, splooshed) is Tara. DAMN IT. This is the second Tara killing that surprised me this year. The first of course being SOA Tara. Now TB Tara. Take a moment for the fallen Taras, will ya? 

Mama Mae and Tara...Or at least her innards.

Okay, back to blood. Everyone left alive goes inside Merlotte’s. Er. Make that BelleFleur’s.While everyone is freaking out, Sookie does some of her mind-reading and finds that most everyone is blaming her, including boy-toy Alcide. Puurrrrrrr. She walks home all pouty, trips over a dead chick, and gives Alcide a tongue-lashing when he gets home. Not that kind of tongue lashing – um, well. At least not yet. They argue, he goes to bed pissed, she gets naked, he’s already naked, and they kiss and make-up. Sookie-Sookie now! Again, puuuurrrrr. Alcide. Team Wolf Y’all!  

 Jessica apologized to Andy for eating his young. Andy’s not real forgiving and you can’t really blame him because she sucked the fairy blood out of his babies. She volunteered to watch over the only one she didn’t eat, Adilyn, and Andy accept but tells Adilyn “Do not invite her in this house!” Like a typical teen, she doesn’t listen to him and invites her in after Jessica has a show-down with some HVamp the size of a house! Jess is in just as the sun is rising, HVamp is out a goes out in a ball of flames outside the front door. 

old James / new James

Jessica’s boyfriend James (surprise surprise, new actor here),, is paired with Lafayette. Walking into to Lafayette’s, James remarks that he likes what he’s done with the place. Faye says it has that “ghetto je ne sais quoi”. He tells James, “I know you need to eat, but it is mother-fucking  mandatory that I get my brain out of this plane of existence right the fuck now. So give me a sec while I altered, then I’ll give you lunch.”

James motions to the bong and says,

 “Can I?” and proceeds to get high with Faye. Faye is not grieving over his cousin’s death because he did that the first time, remember. He’s empty. James talks about losing everyone in Nam, except he wasn’t there because he was a pacifist draft dodger. When he goes to his buddy’s parent’s house to give his condolences on losing them to the war, the friend’s dad beats the crap out of him and he’s saved by a vampire. 

Andy goes out with Bill to find Arlene and Holly. Sam is caught by Vince as he’s shifting back to a human. Vince threatens to out him to everyone, but Sam is able to talk him out of doing that for now. Jason is patrolling with some vamp-tramp and when she oversteps his man boundaries and exploded and lays the smack down on her. And by that I mean, he smacked her ass against the hood of his cop car and had some long overdue / angry sexy times.

“I’m going to fuck you. And you’re going to fuck me back.” 

Angry sex, angry sex, um, a bit much even for TB. 

Meanwhile, Pam is in Marrakesh having a Russian-roulette show down in a bar. She comes out the victor, and gets some intel on her maker…Eric. Remember what he was doing at the end of last season? Yah. You're welcome.

That’s before he lost his sun-shield and started to burn so we really have no idea what’s up with him at this point. Pam finds that the only children have clean blood in town, and despite the need to feed, she passes on the kiddie-blood. 

Mama Lettie-Mae heads back to freak-land and starts hearing/seeing things and needs to be calmed by the Rev. The next day she goes to get her church on, appearing more normal. During their church service the next day, Sookie walks in and puts her hand on Mama-Mae’s shoulder. She promptly turns around, grits her teeth and snarls: “don’t you touch me biatch!” and tells her what she really thinks of Sook. Sookie, doing her mind reading thing again, hears that everyone there feels the same way. She goes to leave, but looks back at everyone, tells them she can hear their thoughts, and that she’s lived here all her life, wah wah wah, I’m to blame wah wah wah, but I want to help.  

So what’s going to happen this season? Will Eric return? Will all the vampires not infected be killed by the infected? Will Sookie continue to whine and get naked? (that’s a given).Only this season will tell....

Oh, and one more for the road: 

Season 7 - the final season of True Blood.

More updates and snark to come each week!