True Blood "Thank You." AKA: Thanks for a crappy ending!

Okay, seriously True Blood fans. Am I the only one that thought the ending was a bunch of crap?!

Here's a quick summary.

Eric kills Mr Gus in a fiery tunnel. Eric and Pam turn into really bad infomercial stars and push their New Blood. You took Eric last week as an overly hot sex god on his throne, to a cheezy 1970's polyester wearing game show host. Even his hair was bad. Really.

Bill feels that he never was able to see his human daughter get married, so he basically guilts Hoyt and Jessica into getting hitched. Tonight. Before he dies.

Can anyone say Selfish Asshole? Yes, let Bill have what he wants, but won't even dare give Jessica, Sookie, and nearly everyone else in Bon Temps  what they want -- which is Bill alive (or as alive as a vampire can be) and with them all. Drink from Newme/Sarah. Hell, she gave herself so many names the last couple of episodes you could have pretended it was someone else.

So he does the Daddy Vampire thing, gets Jessica hitched to a human. Hmm, okay for her to get married and live with a human, but not for Bill do to the same with Sookie? She can only be happily married if she has a human husband? Selfish Vampire Bill....selfish.

THEN, as if that's not enough, he has to have Sookie help him die. UGH. Leaves her behind in his Vampire Goo.

You get a fast forward of a Thanksgiving dinner, outside Sookie's house with all the human-vamp pairings in bliss. Hoyt and Jessica, Arlene and Kevin, Lafayette and James, then the human-humans of Sam - Nicole and children, Andy-Holly and their step-sibling-sex partners Adilyn and Wade, Jason and Hoyt's ex-girfriend Bridget and their brood of offspring, and Sookie, very preggers and some mystery husband. You never see his face. He's kinda tall, has some facial hair, and you don't know who he is. IT DOESN'T MATTER! It's not Vampire Bill! It's not Eric. It's not Alcide. Most importantly, IT'S NOT SAM! Did you even READ the books??? Noooooo....Obviously not.
it's just some random bloke. 
Shit. 
Whatever.

I feel cheated. True Blood, I watched till the end, and I have to say, it was a painful true death.

True Blood - S7/Ep9: To Love is to Die. AKA: Jessica (and Ginger's) Happy Ending

Well folks. The end is near, at least for Bill Compton. He has chosen the True Death. His fate. Jessica and Sookie have not accepted that and are super pissed at him. Sookie bitch slaps him, and Jessica asks Bill to release her. He does. Jessica is comforted by Pam (of all people) who tells her, “If your crying ruins my jacket, you’re payin’ for it sweetheart.” Of course, Sookie turns to Eric. 

Paying a visit to Sam, Jessica and Sookie find it empty. Sam is gone, cleared out.  He did leave her a letter saying that while he’s not sure if Nicole is right or wrong about the town, what he does know is that loves her, and isn’t missing out at having his child. He invites her to visit them in Chicago. Two pair then go to Bellefleurs, and not only Arlene, Lafayette and his boy toy, James. Faye asks Sookie if she’s all right, and she announces that Sam is gone.  She gives Andy the letter from Sam, which only says “I resign.” 

James apologizes to Jessica, and she confesses that she really doesn’t know much about him. She apologizes to him for not caring enough to ask about those things, and wants to know if he’s happy. He says he is, and she leaves. 

Bridget is arguing with Hoyt about the kid issue. She’s not happy, and asks about the googlie-eyed, red-headed vampire. He says he didn’t know her, but knew her maker and he went to the clinic to donate some blood for Vampire Bill. Just when Bridget is about to forgive and forget, Jessica knocks on the door calling for Hoyt. Bridget answers, Jessica apologizes for showing up, says she knows him but he doesn’t know her, and came to tell Hoyt about their past together. Saying they were happy, but she fucked it up, Bridget is standing in the background pissy and complaining – throwing down the ultimatum that if Hoyt walks out to talk to Jessica, they are through. Annnnnd, out the door goes Hoyt! YAY! 

Jessica tells Hoyt that Bill wouldn’t drink the cure, released her as his progeny, and he was the first man that she ever loved. She didn’t know where to go, and he was the only one she wanted to be with, even if it’s selfish. Hoyt says he doesn’t care, and wants to hear the “story of us” and pulls her into his arms. AWWW!! Jessica says she was young and immature, homeschooled sheltered girl that suddenly became a vampire and before she could figure out who she was and what she wanted, she met Hoyt. She goes on to tell him that he saved her life twice – once with Violet, and now, giving her hope. He lets her heal him with her vampy magic blood, and the two seriously reconnect. 

Meanwhile, Jason answers a phone call from Bridget, who asks him to get her. Telling him that the red head showed up and he left, Jason goes out the door and off to Bridge. He pulls up all lights and sirens, and when he gets out of the car, Hoyt belts him in the face! Guess he wasn't fully over that whole "your BFF slept with your girl" thing, huh? He wakes up with Bridget driving his cop car to take him to the hospital. Instead, she convinces him to go back to his place, and he says they’re not having sex tonight. She’s surprised that he would ask, “I just broke up with my boyfriend. Why would you even think I was going to have sex with you?” and he says “trust me, it needed to be said.” Such a stupid stud muffin, that one. 

Back at his place, she’s trying to book a flight back to Alaska, and Jason gets on the phone doin’ his Southern charm thingie with the telephone agent to get her a flight back home. Ever the gentleman, he lets her sleep in his room while he is in the living room, icing first his face, then his balls. LOL! 

Bridget comes out and they start talking about Hoyt. Jason retells Bridget the Hoyt/Jessica/Jason history.  Jason said Hoyt believed it was love at first sight with Jessica, and they were amazing together. Jason tells her how he screwed up by drinking from Jessica, and then sleeping with her, then telling Hoyt all about it. Jason recalls Hoyt saying there was something inside him that was missing and he would never have the kind of relationship that he and Jessica had. Sadly, since Bridge just met Hoyt, she didn't realize met a guy who already met the girl he was supposed to be with. Hoyt and Jessica belong together. Bridget says, “oh come on, I’m going to teach you how not to have sex with someone.” Lying on his bed, they talk and share secrets. 

Sookie isn’t joining in the family dinner at Bellefleurs, and Arlene tells her about the cougar Keith relationship. Sook tells her about infecting Bill with Hep-V. Sookie asks “How do you do it? Keep moving on?” Arlene says it helps when your husband comes in a death vision and tells you to move on, but you just need to do it. Sookie admits that she held back from Alcide because she hadn’t let go of Bill and it was unfair (NO SHIT!), and vows not to do that again. 

Bill answers the door to find Eric, who tells Bill about his experience – wanting to die. Bill says he is doing this for Sookie, and he needs to go so she can love someone else and move on. Eric says that Bill needs to get over himself, and he needs Sookie. It’s her light that pulls them in, just as she is pulled to their darkness.  Bill tells Eric about the black child/void/death dream, and says he cannot give her anything but darkness. Him dying will set her free. 

Eric goes to Sookie and tells him Bill wants to tell her why he’s choosing death. When Sookie says that none of it makes sense, he says it will once Bill explains it to her. He takes her home. 

Eric then goes to Fangtasia, telling Ginger they are finally gonna fuck. She wants it on his throne. She gets all freaky and strattles him, he lets out his fangs, and feds from her. She tells him she has Hep-V, and he says he’s immune. He rips off her panties, and sits there while she rubs against him and makes crazy wild animal calls. His look is priceless! Ginger gets in one good push (maybe two) and falls back saying that was fantastic. This is hilarious! Did he even take off his pants? Whip it out? Me thinks not. 

I’m not sure what was more amusing – her wild screams like a cat in heat followed by the overly dramatic fall backwards, or Eric’s indifferent, bored look throughout it all. 

 

Damn, how much did that chair go for during the True Blood online auction? 

At Fangtasia, Newme/Sarah is taken out of the basement by Yakuza, and Pam tells her she is “taking her back to blonde.” When she can’t get the foils on her hair, she tells her:

“Listen up twat-lips…” Bwah haa haa!!! Says she needs to not scream when she lets the gag off her mouth. She then goes on…

 

Pam: “You remind me of Mary”

Sarah/Newme: “Mary Bethany?”

Pam: “OF the whorehouse I use to run. She was much prettier than you ever were. You and her were the same – if you play your cards right, you can be the highest paid trollop in history.”

Mr. Gus asks where Eric was at, while holding Pam under chains. Mr Gus asks if Eric was with his fang-banger Sookie Stackhouse. Does she know about Sara? With each question Eric doesn’t answer, a rope holding a wooden stake is dropped closer to Pam. Eric confesses that Sookie knows about Sara, and Mr. Gus wants to know where she lives. 

Gah. I could live without ever seeing Sookie again, but damn. I’m gonna miss Pam. 

True Blood, Season 7, Ep 8: Almost Home. AKA: She's a fang-banger!

Okay, so crazy Newme/Sarah Newlin is still seeing visions of Jason when the Eric posse shows up and goes to hunt her. She realizes that she must die tonight, and Jason tells her “now you’re letting the truth in” which leads her outside and right into the clutches of Eric. Eric, ready to put an end to Sarah/Newme grabs her by the throat (again) and Pam stops him by pointing a gun to her chest, saying “ you die, I die.”

 Eric says her future isn’t very bright and takes a bite out of her, then throws her to the ground. Of course, the bite allows him to get her blood into his system and voila, the Hep-V starts to disappear and our beautiful Eric is back without those crazy black veins.

Oh, and Sarah, AKA Newme, AKA the Messiah, is now calling herself “The Princess of Peace.” She needs to add loopy-loo to her list of names.

Lettie-Mae is still digging up the old house, and the Rev goes to find her and tells the family that currently lives there “please forgive the Reverand’s wife.” Lafayette agrees with Mama-Mae, saying there’s Tara energy somewhere there. 

Lettie-Mae gets right up in the Rev’s face, saying “Sometimes you gotta take a journey, even if it’s a blind one.”

POW! BANG! ZAP! Throwing his own words back at him!!

James shows up and proceeds to feed Lafayette so he can zap back into lala land and get Tara updates. After Faye, Mama Mae feeds, and then so does the Rev! He sees the vision of Tara, and I’ll be damned! He’s a believer! Monkeys anyone? Oh come on, sing it with me: 
"Then I saw her face, now I'm a believer!"

In their Tara-dream-state, she leads him into the house, where they see a scene from her childhood with Tara, Sookie, Faye, and Mama Mae. Tara’s Papa comes in and freaks everyone out. He works hard for his money, and doesn’t appreciate Mama spending it on silly things like a birthday party with gifts for Tara. He ransacks the house looking for his gun, while Mama sends Tara and the other kids out of the house. Tara runs to her bedroom, find the gun hiding in a drawer, and as her dad is holding a knife over her mom, she raises the gun and instead of shooting, hides the gun in the yard. That’s what is buried there. Papa runs out, leaving them, and Mama falls in despair. Thus begins her trek into mental illness, me thinks. 

Back to the present, Rev unearths the gun and Tara says “I’m sorry I didn’t pull that trigger.” Mama confesses to not taking care of her daughter, and they both admit bad stuff happened to them. Tara asks her mother to forgive herself and let her go. How? Tara says, “You need to go on living” and makes mom her promise. At that promise, Tara embraces her mama, then crosses into the fade. Goodbye sweet Tara. Finally, the departure you deserve. 

Jason is being fawned over by Hoyt’s girlfriend, and the two of them are looking at old photos of Hoyt. She blurts out “may our children have our nose”. Hoyt stops, um, What? Children? Who said anything about children?  While he and his woman are bickering over children/no children, Jason gets a pic-text from Violet of Adilyn and Jessica tied up, along with an address. Jason has to go, and Bridget goes along with Jason, saying she’s not spending more time with Hoyt. She’s upset at his no-children policy. 

Jason walks into Violet’s lair, is overtaken by him, and strapped to some crazy contraption that will rip him limb from limp. HOLY CRAPBALLS! Violet is sick and twisted. She threatened to take off Wade’s digits, and rip off Adilyn’s perky hooters. But, she saved the super sick and twisted for her pal Jessica. In order to make Jessica feel the paint that she felt when she saw Jason inside her, she’s ready to poke her with a flaming red-hot poker. Literally, a poker. Okay, a dildo (that’s the same thing as a poker, right?). Luckily she goes off on a rant, stating 

“All I ever wanted from you Jason was to live in the world with no wit. No intellect. A world where you worship me for the perfect creature that I am!”

While she’s talking about her dummy worship, Hoyt come in guns-a-blazin’ and shoots her. Jessica is finally let out of her chains, and Adilyn runs to Wade. 

Jessica asks “Where did he come from”, then remembers she mind-melded him and he doesn’t know who she is. She’s sad to see him embraced by his woman. Holly and Andy run in and find their kids, and the family shares a tender moment. 

Hoyt is thanked by Andy, and Jason shakes his hand, while Jessica looks on. She says hi to Hoyt, and tries to express her thanks. He’s just glad he was able to get there when he did. She introduces herself to him, and the both smile. Aww. Memories. 

Bridget sits with Jason and he’s not okay. Not missing the looks Hoyt and Jessica gave each other, she wants to know more about her. She asks Jason if Jessica is his girlfriend, and he says he doesn’t know what to call her. Jason drives Jessica home, and they have a chat in the car. Jason says he needs to stop making bad decisions, and Jessica says “um speaking of bad decisions”. She never felt betrayed by him, but he says that’s because she never took him seriously to begin with. Their paths have crossed at inappropriate times. Hoyt reminded them of how uncomplicated they are. They agree they have a beautiful friendship.  

Jason shows later at the Bellefleurs and is talking to Arlene when Hoyt walks in. Hoyt asks about the redhead from last night. While he cares for Bridget, it’s just something about Jessica that he can’t shake. After learning that Jessica is staying at Vampire Bill’s, and how upset she is over his disease, Hoyt goes to her. She lets him in, and he hands her a pint of his own blood, saying he’s been tested and his blood is clean. She can give it to Bill to help him. Awwww. Isn’t he the sweetest?

Quiet Sookie is a thinking Sookie. She tells Bill that she doesn’t want to drudge up the past, but wants to know about Sophie Ann. Bill states that Sophie Ann wanted to take up all the faeries, all the fangs, and bring them to her and close up the portal, then breed them. When Sookie asks Bill why he didn’t deliver her to Sophie Ann, he tells her that he actually felt human again when he saw her. Aww. Then says “You all want what we can’t have. Deny it long enough and you lose your way.” Such darkness inside Bill. 

Mr. Gus, Eric, Pam, and others are talking and Mr. Gus tells them they can’t perfect the HepV / NewmeBlood but they have to keep having the infected keep buying it. Pam and Eric are fine with this, but Mr. Gus also states that no one can know that Sarah/Newme is the cure as that would totally ruin his money making plan. 

Bill and Sookie are in bed when Eric knocks on the door. He tells Sookie
“I came looking for you because I wanted to let you know I was going to be okay”
Awww. 

She asks where is his HepV infected veins, and is he healed? He says yes, and he can’t say how, but he is cured. She tells him that Bill is sick, and he needs the cure. Whatever worked on him must work on Eric! She tells him Bill is dying and accelerating at a crazy rate because he contracted HepV from her.  He stalls, saying he’ll come back the next night as dawn is coming. She doesn’t think Bill will last that long, and she runs out after Eric, just as Jason pulls up dropping off Jessica. 

Sookie goes looking for Eric at Fangtasia, while the Mr Gus Yakuza Goons tell her she’s brave, but stupid. One of the goons tells Mr. Gus, who wants to meet this Sookie Stackhouse. She wants just a minute with Eric, and Mr. Gus asks how they know each other. Eric says she’s a fang-banger, and after fucking her once, she keeps coming back and he can’t get rid of her. Ouch. Mr. Gus calls Eric a very lucky man, and wonders why Eric is protecting her. Eric says it’s just that her brother is a sheriff, and he’ll look for Sook if she goes missing. Eric says he will glammer her, and she can read Mr. Gus’ thoughts and knows that something is in the basement. Eric tells her, go away, you never saw me, and she pretends to be under his spell, repeats it and walks away. But we all know the truth. 

Sookie pretends to go away, but hits the basement of Fantasia and finds Sarah and has a wtf moment. Sarah tries to get Sookie to help her escape, and Sookie figures out that she’s the cure. 

“Even as the cure, you’re still the fucking problem.” Awesome!

Sookie runs back to Jessica and Bill, tells them there is a cure, and takes them both back to the Fangtasia basement. After telling Bill that he needs to feed from Sarah, he respectfully declines. WHAT WHAT WHAT??!!! He doesn’t want it.  
UGGGHH!!! Really Bill? You're checking out? Done? Terminado? Finito? Fini??

We shall have to wait and see. Only two more to go. 

Final thoughts: Am I the only one disturbed that Sookie slutty Stackhouse left Bill's bed, jumped in Alcide's truck, and went to Eric? Okay, I understand these three are the holy trinity of hotness, but really? That just bugged me. She bugs me. I might be glad there are only two more episodes left with her in them. Ever. 

True Blood, Season 7, Ep 7: May Be The Last Time. AKA: Feels like the first time..

Amber, Amber, Amber. Give up your psycho sister Newme.

Eric, Pam, and Mr. Cowboy Gus show up at Amber’s place. After telling the gang that Sara is the cure, Eric reminds her all about Jeremy. Oh, remember Jeremy? Your old flame that sister dearest killed? Telling Eric to eff-off, he looks back and see’s Sara’s face and takes out Amber. Whoopsie.

Just like that line in a Go-Go's song, "It use to be the fun was in, the capture and kill," Pam pleads to Eric that this time it isn’t about capture and kill and Mr. Cowboy Gus says, it’s capture and exploit. Synthesize Sara’s blood and sell it as “New Blood.” New Blood will eradicate Hep-V and Eric will own 49% of the company. Since Mr. Gus and company aren’t real popular with the people, Eric can be the face of the product. When Eric balks and says that they don’t know where Sara is located, Mr. Gus says that the Japanese media will help find her.

Sara returns to the Light of Day institute. Camp. Whatever. She keeps hearing voices of people singing, and is freaking out because of course, no one is there. She has visions of Jason playing football, who tells her that she’s going to die tonight because there’s no escaping Eric. Death comes for all of us, and her number is up. As she’s out in the field, the Japanese technology has found her. Later, Eric and Pam wake up and Cowboy tells them, “Shall we go make some money?”

Sara is inside rambling and talking to herself, and her hubby Steve shows up to tell her she’s an evil fornicator and she’s going to die tonight. Guru is there as well, and tells her there is no heaven nor hell. When she’s asked if she wants to die as a Christian or a Buddhist, she says neither, and chooses herself. She’s the savior, the messiah. When she sees lights outside, she asks her Jason hologram what’s going on. He says 
“Oh lovie, that’s death coming for you.”

Sherriff Andy and Holly are off looking for Adilyn and Wade.  You know, the sucking siblings. Call to their cell phone, something about Pavlov and them not being able to resist a ringing phone. Well, phone is there but the kids are not. 

Jessica is in years over Bill's advancing state of Hep-V. Andy calls Jessica for help to find his girl since Adilyn has a bit of Jessica’s blood in her. Jessica isn’t getting anything on her vampy-spidey-sense, so Andy and Holly continue to search for the duo. 

They’re being led into Violet’s lair, who confesses that she use to fuck her brother when she was their age. A lot. Welcome to the red room of pleasure. Freaky shit, and Violet encourages them to take advantage of the toys and enjoy themselves. When they try to thank her, Violet says “no, I love love” and lays a big wet one on Adilyn. She walks out with a smile saying “Have fun fucking!” She’s twisted. 

So the two of them are exploring the myriad of sex toys and freaking out over the 
giant pink dildos, and neither of them is sure what to do. After she does that whole listening to his thoughts thing, they discover that neither of them want the freak fest. They just want each other since it’s their first time together. Cue Foreigner’s “Feels like the first time” 

Violet comes in later and after Adilyn says “Sorry, we didn’t use your toys.” Violet says, “That’s okay, we’ll use them now” and throws Wade into the wall and handcuffs Adilyn to the bed. It’s all a ploy to get Jessica to sense Adilyn’s danger – which she does, and wakes up and runs to find her. 

Bill is continuing to advance and Sookie is concerned, refusing to accept that there is no cure for his condition. Later, Bill is sleeping and Sookie tells Jessica to lay down with him and rest. Sookie refused to accept this, but what are you gonna do? 

She doesn’t know, but she knows that she doesn’t believe that miracles don’t exist. Miracles and magic happen all around us every day, she just has to go out and find it for Bill. She calls a Doctor Ludwig, a small elderly woman that shows up in a hummer, and takes him over to Bill. After discovering that this is the second encounter of advanced Hep-V due to half-fairy blood, doctor asks which line Sookie is from. Sook has no idea, but says she can ask her grampa Niall Bergant. Doctor freaks! “Niall Bergant?? I’m so fucking out of here!”

Sookie goes to the gravesite of Caroline Compton and calls for her Grampa Niall. She calls upon her fairy grandfather for help and he doesn’t show. She runs back to her house, and finds him in her kitchen. Seems the munchkin doctor is afraid of the fairies because they are royalty and killed off so many of them in the past. Grampa is always watching and that means he knew that Sookie was infecting Bill.  Grampa doesn’t like Bill for Sookie, and Sookie begs him to use his royal magic for her and cure Bill. 

Bill meanwhile is having dreams about his past again. He is being told he has to marry the Shelby daughter Caroline, and help her mother become financially stable after his father dies. Caroline and Bill hit it off. 

Gramps takes her outside Bills house and shows her the birth of Bill’s first child, telling her that’s a miracle. Birth and death are miracles, just like life, love, and forgiveness. At times, magic can cure but this time it cannot cure her Vampire Bill. Sookie runs to Bill and tells him she is goin to say with him to the end, kisses him, and they end up in front of the fireplace having fairy-vamp sex. Reminiscent of their first time. 

Hello Foreigner!? You’re up! 

Arlene is closing up shop at the bar, and in walks hottie vamp Keith. He tells her he came to see her home and offer her protection. 

She says “what are you, 25?”
Keith says, no dear, “I’m 515 years old,” 

So should feel better as she’s not really a cougar with him after all, right?
She tells him she’s not a fang-banger and a human with a vampire is just wrong. He kisses her and says “Did that feel wrong”. She shakes head no, but says yes. He kisses her again and she seems to have lost the ability to not only speak, but resist his sexy charms. She takes her on the pool table, off comes her clothes, and….Oh my, don’t stop, oh…Fuuuuuuuuck!! 

 and wait, what? Dream sequence. Apparently, Arlene is having wet dreams.

When he finally is awake and at the bar, Hoyt comes in with his girlfriend Bridget. He’s there to meet with officer Stackhouse. Arlene says, “You mean, Jason.” She then calls JS and tells him that Hoyt is there and is acting like he doesn’t know who he is. Jason says  
“yah, that’s because he doesn’t.” 
 
Jason shows up and introduces himself to Hoyt and Bridget, and after sitting with them for breakfast, Jason takes Hoyt to the morgue to see his mother. Hoyt wants to know how she died, and Jason tells him that his mama got the town folk all riled up, and took the law in their own hands. Jason said she wasn’t part of the mob, and that he did get the one who did this to her. Hoyt hugs Jason, and Bridget joins in. 

Sam is nursing his heartbreak at the bar with Arlene, and asks if he is as crazy as Nicole thinks everyone in the town is. Arlene gives Sam some advice: If you were to leave, would it feel like you were running away or running to something? And if you stay, could you be happy without them (Nicole and his child). Arlene says she’s not happy, but is faking it until she makes it real.

Later, Keith shows and Arlene is finishing that bottle that she opened with Sam. She asks him if she is dreaming, he says no, he felt her pain. She says she thought that Vampires could only feel humans in danger. Keith tells her that her pain is dangerous. As they’re slow dancing, Arlene confesses that she’s Hep-V positive, and since vampires are super sexual they can’t have sex or she will infect him. Keith says, “well then, let’s just dance.” 

*Swoon*

Foreigner? You guys still here? Ahem…go. 

In the only snippet of Lafayette and Lettie Mae, they’re seen digging up the front yard of the house that Tara led them to, and we can only expect to see more of this next week.

and how funny is this: 

Down to the final three episodes!