Game of Thrones, Season 5, Ep6: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. AKA: Bent over and broken

So that just happened. 

Just when you thought that Game of Thrones couldn’t get any more gruesome, they did.

First, Arya continues to wash dead people. She keep asking questions – where are they taken? They go through a mysterious door that closes immediate after they take out the corpse, but then what? She puts her foot down and states she’s not giving anymore sponge baths to dead people until she gets answers. Hoo-boy. She got answers all right. First, she plays some slapstick version of Two Truths and a Lie, called Game of Faces. Except in this game when you lie, you get smacked with a stick. 

First, with her roommate. Then, Jaqen H’ghar asks her questions and smacks her when he catches her lying: She hates Hound. Lie. Smack. She wants to be No One. Lie. Smack. Later, a man brings his sick daughter to the temple telling Arya “She suffers every day of her life.”  Arya dons a straight face and lies to the girl, telling her she was very sick, once, and was dying. Since her father also loved her, so he brought her to the House to be healed by the waters from the fountain. She clearly lies her butt off when she tells the girl that drinking the water from heal her. Of course, it doesn’t, but she was able to lie and get away with it. 

This seemed to earn her some privileges and she is shown what’s behind door number 1. Jagen takes Arya to the Hall of Faces. Otherwise known as a creepy room with large columns of faces that the Faceless Man gets to use. Did you get that? Bizarre, I know. Any-hoots, my first question was “um, how do they get to the ones on top? Do they have to step on other faces to get to the top?” 

Next, Tyrion tells Jorah of his father’s death by the Nights’ Watchmen. Tyrion and Jorah are then captured and the men want to cut off Tyrion’s  *ahem* appendage,  because they think that dwarf cock has magical powers. *insert dirty comment here: doesn’t all cock have magical powers?* Tyrion convinces them to not give him a detachable penis and they agree – but only until they can find a cock merchant. They have cock merchants? What are those? IDK. it’s all so bizarre! When the fighting pits are mentioned, Tyrion also convinces them that Jorah is a prize fighter, and they should take him there. Of course, that just helps get them one step closer to the Dragon mother Daenerys. 

Littlefinger has given Sansa to the Boltons.  Littlefinger then returns to King’s Landing to tell Cersei that Sansa is alive and engaged to Ramsay. He also he promises her that the Knights of the Vale will fight for the Lannisters to take Winterfell. Why? So that he can be named Warden of the North. Cersei states she’ll believe him when he provides Sansa’s head on a spike. 

 Cersei also gets into it with her new daughter-in-law Margaery, who quickly calls in Gramma Lady Olenna as reinforcement. Lady and Cersei get into a verbal spar, and an inquest is held. Loras denies having relations with men, Margaery denies any knowledge of this until his boy toy is brought forward and confirms not only the relationship, but Margaery’s private peep show staring the two of them. Calling him a liar, he mentions Loras’ birthmark on his thigh. Whoopsie! Cersie is smug when she sees that both Loras and Margaery are carted off to jail. 

Cersei’s daughter Myrcella is in the garden with her betrothed Prince Martell when Jamie and Bronn bust in to save her. She doesn’t want to go with uncle/daddy Jamie. The Sand Snakes, a trio of women warriors that are Prince Oberyon’s daughters, come in ready to off Myrcella and Jamie and Bronn are in their way. They all end up duking it out until the guard Hota comes in and breaks it up, arresting Jamie and Bronn. 

Sansa is completing her bathing ritual before her wedding to twisted Ramsay. Her attendant, Myranda, tells tales of Ramsay’s abuse and his evil twisted ways. Sansa snaps back “How long have you loved him?” and lifts her chin “I’m Sansa Stark of Winterfell (biatch). This is my home. You can’t frighten me.”  Um, maybe you should have paid a bit more attention to Myranda. 

Theon is Sansa’s escort and he hands her off to be married to Ramsay. They retreat to the bedroom – and I mean THEY. All three of them: Ramsay, Sansa and Theon. Ramsay asks if she’s a virgin telling her not to lie to her new husband. He then tells her to remove her clothes, and orders Theon to stay put. And watch. “You’ve known Sansa since she was a girl. Now watch her become a woman.”

The scene ends with a close up of her face down on the bed, crying. Theon standing in the corner, crying. Sansa is bent over and Theon is broken again. SO disturbing, yet it's not. Ramsay is more evil than Jofrey. Theon is too beaten down to stop it. Sansa knows fighting will make it worse. 

What did this scene accomplish? It’s not on the books. It’s not even Sansa that marries Ramsay – it’s a girl pretending to be Arya.Where is GoT going with this? What are they setting up? We'll just have to wait and see....

Game of Thrones 7: Mockingbird

Well duh I fell in love with a whore. Poor Tyrion – he’s so tortured. His father knows that he is innocent, yet is willing to sacrifice him. Jamie says their father will sacrifice any of them. Oh no, no, no, says Tyrion. Calls Jamie the Golden Son. “You can kill a king, lose a hand, fuck your own sister.”

Cersei has convinced Sir Gregor to battle Tyrion. He’ll step on him like a bug!  He asks “Who am I fighting?” to which she replies “It really doesn’t matter does it.”

Bonn comes around and is sporting some new duds. Says he’s been a bit busy and took him a while getting to Tyrion. He’s been hanging with Lollys. Knows that there is an older sister, but hey, she might fall off a horse and not inherit the castle which means his wife gets it, which means he gets it. He’s opting out of the cage fight this time. 

Oberyn comes by to chat with Tyrion, sharing his story of Cersei’s visit and her attempt to get him to vote against Tyrion. Oberyn knows that Cersei has always wanted him dead. Says his family came when he was just a young pup. The prince tells a tale of a monster that had been born to Tywin Lannister, with a big head, one red eye, privates of both the boy and girl. Tyrion says “that would have made things so much easier”. Cersei showed off his brother to everyone and “unveiled the freak”. Aww. He’s just a baby. Cersei said “he killed my mother”, he will die soon, he shouldn’t have lived this long. Tyrion states Cersei always get what she wants. Oberyn wants justice for his sister and her children. He’s come to Tyrion telling him he will be his champion and Sir Gregor is first up on his hit list. He’s standing with Tyrion to avenge his sister. WOW! 

Hound and Arya come upon what looks like a burnt out house and find an injured man on the ground. Hound asks him if he’s had enough, it’s time to go. Hound stabs him putting him out of his misery and tells Arya “that is where the heart is. That is how you kill a man.” He is immediately jumped from behind by another dude that goes all vamp on him and bites him in the neck. 

He tells Hound there is a price on his head and he’s there to collect. Arya remembers him, tells Hound he was one of the Yoren’s prisoners that was taking Arya to the wall, and that he said he’d fuck her bloody with a stick. Hound quips “well this day is not working out the way you planned”. 

Hound: “He on your little list?”

Arya: “He can’t be. I don’t know his name.”

Hound:  “What’s your name?”

Dude: “Rorge”

Arya: “Thank you.”

 Say hello to my little friend, Needle. Stab to the heart. GO ARYA! 

Later, Hound is trying to fix his neck wound and Arya tells him he needs to put fire to it so it won’t get infected. He freaks and says no way chica – um, haven’t you seen his face? He then goes on a rant about the trouble Arya has been to him, wishing he never set eyes on her. Her brother gave her a sword, his brother pressed him to the fire like a piece of chop for playing with this toys. The shit thing – daddy protected his brother and told everyone his bedding caught fire. Arya still offers to help him wash out his wound and sew it up. These two. hmm.  

Daenerys is surprised by the arrival of Daario in her room with handful of flowers. She chastises him for coming to her without being summoned. She’s being quite flirty with him. He says he has two talents: war and women. Here in Meereen, he cannot pursue his talents. There are thousands of women he can pursue, but he wants the one that doesn’t want him. He vows to do Daenerys’ bidding, killing her enemies. She tells him pretty much go on with your bad self and do what you do best. Strip. He drops his clothes and she’s checking out his package hiding a smirk. Been a while hasn’t it Daenerys? Later, Jorah sees Daario doing the walk of shame, and questions Daenery’s decisions. She changes her mind and instead of sending Daario after the masters to kill them, she send him and Hizdahr to broker a deal with the masters – live in my world, or die in yours. 

 John Snow goes off with Ghost and talks to the Knight’s Watch about preparing for the impending battle. Seal the tunnel, he says. No way says the leader. At Dragonstone, Lady Selyse and Melisandre are chatting about crap. Melisandre shows Selyse her potion rack, which she describes as lies to help men see the truth. 

Brienne and Podrick stop for a bite and chat with the pie maker, telling him his kidney pie is delish! Brienne is looking for Sansa Stark, and pie guy says he hasn’t seen her, but he has seen Arya. Tells them she’s traveling as a boy with Hound and gives her a pie that looks like a wolf (or a fox, it is kinda small) to give to Arya. 

Sansa is building show castles. Sees Robyn. After chatting he throws a temper tantrum and stomps on her castle, and she slaps him. Littlefinger comes by and says Robyn’s mother should have done that a long time ago. He then goes on to tell Sansa that if she wants to build a better home, she must first demolish the old one. 

Little tells Sansa he loved her mother. He then says “You’re more beautiful than she ever was”. He then makes his move and kisses her!! Lysa is watching from the upper level.  Aunt Lysa talks to Sansa while looking through the moon door asks “do you know how far the fall is? Hundreds of feet. Impact will break bodies right apart.” Ooooh, Lysa is pissed. I’m surprised her head isn’t spinning.  She tells Sansa “I know what you did” and Sansa thinks she’s talking about hitting Robin. Nope. She’s talking about the kissy face with her main man Petyr. She freaks! 

“He is MINE. My father, my husband, my sister, that’s what happens when people stand between Petyr and me.”

 Littlefinger comes in and tells Lysa to let Sansa go. “You want her! She’s just like her mother and she will never want you. I lied for you. I killed for you.” Little calms her by saying “I swear I will send her away. Just let her go.”  Lysa pushes Sansa away and Littlefinger comes over calling her my sweet wife. He looks at her, says “I have only loved one woman my entire life – your sister” and…

HE PUSHES LYSA DOWN THE MOON HOLE!!!! OMFG! I told you he was evil and I liked it!!