More confessions of a bad-Catholic girl during lent...

Last year, I was in a pickle. I had no idea what to give up as a measure of sacrifice for Lent and had to phone a friend for a lifeline. For most, the thought of Lent brings up giving up something that you’ll actually miss. It’s supposed to show discipline, dedication. As a child, many of us gave up candy only to return to the gluttony of sweetness with a basket full of sugary crap on Easter. More recently as an adult, I’ve given up habits. Coffee. Laziness. Cursing. Yah, that last one didn’t go very well. Neither did giving up coffee come to think of it. Cranky much? Yes, I was. While some years worked better than others, I often failed. 

Sorry.

This year, I had to think again: what could I sacrifice? What would I do that would not only improve my well being, but really be something that would require a significant change in behavior on my part. I came to a simple conclusion:

I would give up saying “I’m sorry.”

What the WHAT? 

Why would you stop apologizing? Sounds selfish, right? Making this all about me? You’re right.

 I am making this about me. About being a better me. I need to remember that I can’t please everyone, and when other people are not satisfied with something, I shouldn’t have to apologize for it. I shouldn’t be beating myself up feeling guilt and creating negative feelings about myself over and over and over again when I don’t need to do so.

If I did my best, which by the way – will vary and have different levels and definitions on any given day (and sometimes throughout the day), then why should I apologize for something when I didn’t do anything wrong? If I didn’t get something done fast enough because I wanted to do it right, didn’t I still complete it? If I worked hard on a project and it needed revisions, or it didn’t work out, I still did my best work possible. If I didn’t clean the house, it’s still a home, right?  Work. Home. Husband. Mother. Friends. Strangers.

 I’ve become conditioned to serving others. Jump when they ask. When I don’t jump high enough, or move fast enough for their needs, I apologize for it. Why do I do this? I can’t find a good answer. So, I’m done. Not doing it anymore.

Don't get me wrong. If I do something that really is my own f*ck-up, I'll admit it. I'll apologize. But saying "Sorry" just because I failed to meet your expectations? Nope. Not gonna happen. 

According to the Catholic Church, the reason to “give something up” is to start a conversion. A change. This is a conversion. While the goal is to abstain from sin, I have to find that I have to stop sinning against myself. I have enough self-criticism and self-guilt for a whole host of things, including not “being enough,” to last a lifetime.

For me, there’s only one way to stop adding to those negative feelings. I’m going to start by stopping the apologies. Knowing that I did my best. Feeling better about myself. Loving myself more. In the end, when that happens, and I can fully love myself, then unconditional love of others can follow. Isn’t that what being a good Catholic is all about anyway? 

So, for those that don’t agree with my Lenten sacrifice? 

 #SorryNotSorry

22 best lines from 22 Jump Street!

As usual, I waited a few weeks after the film came out to go see it. I knew it would be good. 

What I realize is that I get jokes that people don’t. Maybe I’m a pop-culture junkie and I get these obscure references. Maybe I’ve seen too much television and read too much crap. Maybe I’m just old. Either way, I found myself laughing way too hard at the one-liners and hidden messages in the film while others just missed out. I’m cracking up. Everyone else…crickets. Strange. Whatever. This is one that will be part of my permanent collection and can’t wait until it’s released for home viewing. 

If you haven’t seen this movie, you are missing out. Please be sure you’ve seen the first film, 21 Jump Street, as you don’t want to miss some of the jokes from 21 to 22. Then, watch and laugh. If you’ve already seen the film, go again and laugh your ass off at these best lines and scenes from the film.  

1. Look at the captain’s new office. It’s like a giant cube of ice.”
2. “He like the Mexican Wolverine!”
3. “Oh, Hey look! It’s the Korean Jesus!”
   “It’s the Vietnamese Jesus now you racist motherfucker!”
   Best part: it’s Dustin Nguyen!
4. “He has one class in Human Sexuality and now he’s Harvey Milk.”
5. “Fuck you Arnold Schwarzenegger!”
   “See you Terminator.”
6. “Don’t Mr. and Mrs. Smith me!”
7. “Where are you from originally?”
   “Oh me? I’m straight outta Compton!”
8. "Tokyo Drift!”
9. “Maybe we could join the secret service and protect the president”
   “Nah, that’s no good.”
   “What? I thought it was good.” (White House Down reference)
10. “Dude.” “Dude.” “ Bro.”  “Bro.” “Dude.” “Bro.”
11. “Meat Cute.” HAHA. Meet cute…get it? If you don’t, I won’t explain it.
12. “I thought we had Cate Blanchett with the budget.”
13. “Something cool!”
14. “Dude. You high fived him for fucking your daughter!”
15. Stoned Dude in the corner during Schmidt and Mercedes fight scene. 
16. “Ass-and-Titties” Channing Tatum dance.
17. Benjamin Hill Center for Film Studies on the building during crazy car chase!
18. Annie Hall lobster reference.
19. Jonah Hill’s walk of shame!
20. Metropolitan City State College. Mascot: The MC State Statesmen. 
21. Cameo from Johnny Depp’s replacement in the original show: Richard Grieco as security guard Booker. He didn’t age well.
22. My personal favorite: “I have tenure. I can say whatever I want and they can’t fire me!”
    I think I was the only one laughing at that one…

 

And just because this is pure awesomeness: