Scandal Season 5, Ep 11: The Candidate. AKA: Hand Me Your Hooch!

So, this week was all about girl bonding? Kinda strange. Bonding between the ex-wife and the mistress. Sounds a bit like my dad’s funeral with the ex-wife, current wife, and mistress all in attendance. But I digress. 

Mellie and Olivia had a bit of a girl-pow-wow. It started with the book talk, and Olivia telling MellieMel to cut chapter 2. Chapter 2 is about how Fitz got shot, and Mellie wants to put out the emotion and connection to the American people. Olivia one-ups her and tells her to write about why she stayed with him after learning about his mistress. 

Mel is a bit freaked out. Says Olivia can compartmentalize the shit out of anything. Olivia fires back “You asked for Olivia Pope, you got Olivia Pope.” Eeep! Or as I like to say…Don’t ask a question if you don’t want to hear the answer. 

This leads to a bit of a Pee-Wee Herman moment:

“You don’t know why you stayed”
“Do you know why you left?”
“Do you know?”
“You don’t know either?”
“I know you are but what am I?”

More bantering, and Olivia continues to push the issue, Mellie tells Liv that she was just a blip on the radar. She never had what Fitz and Mellie had: 23 years, children, a real relationship. She calls Liv his plaything. She gets pissed and leaves, going to a bar where she runs into Cyrus. She tells him that they’ll never really be rid of the two of them (Ovitz). He tries to butter her up as a way to run her campaign, and she shuts him down. She says she already has someone in mind. She goes back to Liv’s place – with her hooch in her hand.

 She shares her hooch and her reasons for staying: it worked for her. With Fitz focused on Olivia, Mellie had room to breathe and think on her own, outside of being the First Lady. Olivia admits to being wrong in her affair with Fitz and becoming the First Mistress. Mellie tells her she was glad that she was the mistress and she was probably a good one. A great one. Liv responds by telling her “I am an overachiever” which sends the two, now drunk on moonshine, laughing at each other. 

That’s Chapter 2: Why she stayed is that she was scared. Afraid to stand on her own, and yet, she did causing a filibuster on the senate floor standing up for women’s reproductive rights. Liv tells her she had the power the whole time. 

The two of them crank out the chapter with the focus on Mellie's self discovery, and Liv realizes that the book won’t get published in time for the election, so they go online and post chapters. 

So while the gals are getting cozy over their hooch, a new sexy reporter is interviewing Fitzgerald for an article on how he views his presidency. Cyrus goes over the rules, and Sexy Reporter Lilian is all about “Eff The Rules!” because before she can ask any questions, she turns into a bumbling school girl with a crush, confessing to Fitz that she’s attracted to him.  After doing his slow blink, 'OMG I’m in shock face', he asks her to dinner. DINNER! Really?  They eat. They suck face in the back of the presidential limo. They get semi-busy in Fitz's bedroom and Abby walks in on them!! Fitz go ballastic! Tells Abbs that she has no right to barge in on him, and sends her on her way.

In other Scandal stories, VP Susan is confronted by Lizzy who wants her to run for President. Susan isn’t stupid and says no, she’s not interested. She also knows that she’s the sacrificial lamb to Saint Mellie. Lizzy isn’t giving up – she gets David to try to convince her saying “the Muppet is in love with you!” She also threatens to withhold his sexy times until he does. 

David asks her out, and after going through all the typical DC date spots, asks her about French fries. He takes her to the infamous Gettysburger! A burger joint! Susan is eating it up…David asks her about the run for president and she tells him she’s not going to put herself through that, feeling like she’s a bug that Mellie can squash. Davis tells her she’s not a bug, she’s a warrior and thinks she could really win. He seals the date/deal with a kiss.

David goes to tell Lizzy that he’s done messing with Susan, and Lizzy tells him it’s too late. Susan has filed her paperwork for the campaign. She then goes out to test the waters with the American people with the media. 

Cyrus. Oh Cyrus. He lies to the president stating that he has to attend his cousin’s funeral. His “cousin” is a governor in Pennsylvania and just might be his new ticket back into the White House. 

That's all for this week. So - is David really into Susan? What will that be - a Dusan? a Savid? Ugh. that does not work at all! What about Cyrus? He's trying to find another candidate to latch on to. And Mellie and Liv? Friends? Stranger things have happened.

Scandal Recap: Season 5, Ep 10: It's Hard Out Here for a General. AKA Jake is a sneaky bastard, and I love it!!

Oh, it’s been 6 months. Since we’ve last seen everyone…let’s see. Mellie was the first lady, and then she wasn’t. Olivia was with Fitz, and then she wasn’t. Olivia was also preggers then she wasn’t. She moved into the White House, then…she left it. Olivia had the power. Then she didn’t. Jake was out to take down Command, then he doesn’t. What is happening?

Based on the previews, the white hat is off! 

Olivia is having dinner with Papa Pope. Guess they mended fences when Fitz left the picture. He tells her “You had the oval. You had the power.” She says “He tried to make me into a first lady.”

They keep talking and he tells her “Jake has come home. So should you.” I guess you know who Papa Pope prefers for his little girl.

 Sally Langston – back and bitchy again. Powerless means impotent. And who wants to be impotent. She’s off on another one of her rants, talking about how no one is emerging unscathed.

JAKE! Sorry, I’m always excited when he’s in the room. Actually, he was waiting in the hallway and tells Liv “I don’t like waiting.” She snaps: “Then don’t. Leave.” Standoff. Bitch face. Eye roll. Open elevator calling his bluff…and she jumps him and humps him. Angry sex. And Jake goes downtown ladies! Down. Town.

Abby is woken up by the president. She’s trying to sleep and he’s running strategies through her in the middle of the night. She complains later to Cyrus that he’s calling her 24/7 and she’s freaking out about it. She’s tired. Exhausted because Fitz won’t stop talking to her. He’s broken, needs his batteries replaced. She then wonders why Cyrus isn’t helping her. He tells her that she’s his new wife. He can’t function alone, Mellie is gone and although she was great despite her faults, she’s outie. Olivia is gone. Cyrus is on the outs. Abby’s in. she’s the new woman in Fitz’s life, and Cyrus is gloating.  

Huck shows up at Olivia’s and she won’t let him in. He’s wondering why – who’s in there? Huck says he can’t talk about the client, because they don’t want the NSA to know about it….and it’s because the client is the head of the NSA. OH, and it’s a ripped from the Hilary headlines. The NSA director has work files on her personal computer, and she notices that the computer is moving files all on its own. But of course, that doesn’t happen. Someone has programmed the computer to steal files from something called Project Mercury.

Jake goes to visit Fitz at his request, and Mr. President discloses that the Post has Project Mercury. He needs someone to shut down the whistle-blower. Jake is wondering why he doesn’t call Olivia. Jake asks “You don’t talk to her?” Fitz says no. Asks if Jake talks to her, and Jake pauses, and says no. Ahem. Technically, they didn’t do much talking did they?

Everything points to the fact that it’s one of her computer programmers that she’s been dating, Billy. She refuses to believe it’s him….Olivia isn’t so sure. She’s trying to figure out if he’s a spy or a whistle-blower. Billy is in the wind. Huck finally gets a ping on his phone and Quinn and Marcus show up at his place. Except, they find Jake with Billy’s phone.

Jake and Olivia are fighting over what Billy is doing. Olivia is trying to cover up for her client, and Jake is trying to help Fitz save the country. Olivia says she’s protecting her client and her only flaw is falling for the wrong guy. Jake fires back that Liv knows all about that! Bam. Ouch. NSA woman realizes that Billy played her…and she’s currently under investigation. She wonders if she’s going to be fired, and throws put the gender card – stating that if she does get fired, everyone will say that women are too soft and get played so only men will be in that position for the next umpteen years.

Abby discovers that Project Mercury is a spy project, and they have a whistle-blower. Billy has contacted the Post.

Mellie Grant shows up and she’s written a book. A statement of her beliefs, hopes, and dirty laundry. She wants Liv to read it. She does and tells Mellie the book is crap, and tells her what she really needs to write. Mellie enlists her help to write it.

Abby shows up with a bottle of scotch to hang with her gal pal. Leo wants Abby to quit her job. He took a campaign in Texas, saying that they never see each other anyway. Abby is complaining that she’s the work wife, and she’s tired. She’s not sorry for the rich, powerful, handsome leader who got his heart broken. He’s waking her up. Olivia says Fitz doesn’t have any one. She was the last person she had, but now she’s gone and Abby is all that is left. She eventually gets fed up with him and goes off telling him she’s not everything and can’t know it all.

Olivia also won’t call him to ask for a favor on behalf of her client. Abby calls her on the bullshit. Saying that she doesn’t want him to pick up the phone, because she’s terrified. Olivia knows she’s being a baby, and can’t take her own advice to just suck it up and call him. She ends up calling. Fitz is shocked, but doesn’t take her call.

Quinn and Charlie are having some pillow talk about Billy the Whistle-Blower. He says the dude has some serious game for completely dropping off the radar. Quinn and Charlie bounce ideas off each other and she figures out a way to find them.

Quinn discovers that it wasn’t Billy. She finds that the scrambler used couldn’t change the rhythm and cadence of Billy. They don’t know who it is, but someone is trying to set up Billy. 

Fitz places the head of security in the hands of Jake! OMG.

Jacob. Hamilton. Ballard.

JAKE. You dirty double agent. What the hell are you up to? Is this your scheming? Papa 

Pope’s grand plan? Certainly a power play.

Olivia discovers that Jake was at the house where Billy’s phone was found because he was there to kill Billy. Heh Heh. Kill Bill.

Olivia goes to Papa’s house to find out what the hell. Confronts Jake with the Olivia fast talk, Jake and Papa Pope tell her that she can either throw a temper tantrum like a 14-year old or step up and grab some 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue power.

Huck is being really mean to the new guy Marcus, and Quinn calls him on his shit. Huck gets all deep and says “we have to protect him. We can’t let him be friends with us.” Hidden meaning: their souls are twisted and evil and Marcus is still a good guy…so they can’t bring him into the inner circle of darkness. 

What's going on with Jacob Hamilton Ballard? and Papa Pope?

More confessions of a bad-Catholic girl during lent...

Last year, I was in a pickle. I had no idea what to give up as a measure of sacrifice for Lent and had to phone a friend for a lifeline. For most, the thought of Lent brings up giving up something that you’ll actually miss. It’s supposed to show discipline, dedication. As a child, many of us gave up candy only to return to the gluttony of sweetness with a basket full of sugary crap on Easter. More recently as an adult, I’ve given up habits. Coffee. Laziness. Cursing. Yah, that last one didn’t go very well. Neither did giving up coffee come to think of it. Cranky much? Yes, I was. While some years worked better than others, I often failed. 

Sorry.

This year, I had to think again: what could I sacrifice? What would I do that would not only improve my well being, but really be something that would require a significant change in behavior on my part. I came to a simple conclusion:

I would give up saying “I’m sorry.”

What the WHAT? 

Why would you stop apologizing? Sounds selfish, right? Making this all about me? You’re right.

 I am making this about me. About being a better me. I need to remember that I can’t please everyone, and when other people are not satisfied with something, I shouldn’t have to apologize for it. I shouldn’t be beating myself up feeling guilt and creating negative feelings about myself over and over and over again when I don’t need to do so.

If I did my best, which by the way – will vary and have different levels and definitions on any given day (and sometimes throughout the day), then why should I apologize for something when I didn’t do anything wrong? If I didn’t get something done fast enough because I wanted to do it right, didn’t I still complete it? If I worked hard on a project and it needed revisions, or it didn’t work out, I still did my best work possible. If I didn’t clean the house, it’s still a home, right?  Work. Home. Husband. Mother. Friends. Strangers.

 I’ve become conditioned to serving others. Jump when they ask. When I don’t jump high enough, or move fast enough for their needs, I apologize for it. Why do I do this? I can’t find a good answer. So, I’m done. Not doing it anymore.

Don't get me wrong. If I do something that really is my own f*ck-up, I'll admit it. I'll apologize. But saying "Sorry" just because I failed to meet your expectations? Nope. Not gonna happen. 

According to the Catholic Church, the reason to “give something up” is to start a conversion. A change. This is a conversion. While the goal is to abstain from sin, I have to find that I have to stop sinning against myself. I have enough self-criticism and self-guilt for a whole host of things, including not “being enough,” to last a lifetime.

For me, there’s only one way to stop adding to those negative feelings. I’m going to start by stopping the apologies. Knowing that I did my best. Feeling better about myself. Loving myself more. In the end, when that happens, and I can fully love myself, then unconditional love of others can follow. Isn’t that what being a good Catholic is all about anyway? 

So, for those that don’t agree with my Lenten sacrifice? 

 #SorryNotSorry