Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell story

Here's what I know.

I was in my early twenties when this series was on television. I remember watching it on Saturday mornings on NBC. Often, it was while I was lying in bed, hungover from the night before.  I can't remember what I thought of the show back then. I can't remember much from back then in general so...yeah. THANK YOU Jesus for no internet and cell phone cameras back then. Shoo...there would have been some serious blackmail material.

Anyhow, I was super excited about this Un-authroized Saved By The Bell movie. I have no clue why. It's probably the same reason I am still hung up on reruns of  early Beverly Hills 90210/ Melrose Place and the like.  These shows take me back to a time when things seemed simple. No worries about the mortgage, balancing work and home, and the drama surrounding work. I went to school, my part time job at the mall, and hung out with friends. Weekends were filled with sunshine, cruising the city and wine coolers.  Shut up, it was the 90s. My biggest concern was which club to go to, and which cute boys would be there, and if the dude I gave my phone number to last weekend would call. He never did. Bastard.

So, back to Zack and Kelly and gang. Snoooozzz. That's it? I got myself all hyped up over this "unauthorized" story for this? What was that anyway?  Thought I'd hear some juicy tidbits and scandals. It's on the Lifetime network -- that has to be the place for drama and relationship angst, right? Wrong.

The "unauthorized" story as told by Screech, based on his "Behind the Bell" memoir. I haven't read that book so I wasn't sure what was in it, but it's just a bitch session.  Not the drama and expose I expected. The show touched on the hormonal shit, but didn't dive deep.  Come on, you just know they were all pairing off and switching partners.  They were throwing temper tantrums and partying.  They had to be, right? Where was the drunken debauchery? The teenage sex-triangle scandals? The show played like a Dustin Diamond bitch session - he was the goofy guy, regulated to the geeky jokes while Mark Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez got all the chicks. At the end, he accepts his "Screech" character image, and is okay with it - except, me thinks he isn't as okay with it as he wants others to believe.

Here's what I really thought while watching: 
  • The dude playing MPG / Zack looked more like a bad Corey Feldman than MPG
  • The Mini-Mario-Lopez was just kinda creepy. Was AC/Mario really that skeezy in his youth? He's cleaned up well now, but yeesh. That was bad.  
  • The casting of the girls was way better than the dudes
  • Totally forgot about the Tori Spelling nerd appearance! 
  • Is there a totally Unauthorized SBTB Soundtrack that I can get my hands on? Bell Biv Devoe? Sir Mix-A-Lot (or at least, a cover of Baby's Got Back)? The Go-Go's? Can I get a What What?
  • How sad is it that the music was better than the movie? 
  • I can't believe I wasted two hours on this...and another hour writing this blog about it. 

Bring on the Brittany Murphey Movie!

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