True Blood, Season 7, Ep 6: Karma. AKA: Hello...Newlin.

Oh where do I start? This one just...ugh. UGH.

First, Eric is kicking some Yakuza ass, then he and Pam are captured and are forced to wait for the sunrise demise. Oh but wait! In rides Mr. Gus – the Yakuza Cowboy with his white suit and black Stetson so you know he’s one of the bad guys. He wants Sara Newlin as well and after some typical man bickering, Pam buts in and makes a deal – they’ll give up Newlin’s location if they get out of their silver chains. She tells them to stop with their dick measuring contest and get over it! They decide that Eric gets to kill her, and Gus can have her body. Once the shades are drawn and their death by sunlight has been stopped, Pam tells Gus about Sara’s sister. 

Jason sits in his car, struggling to go back to Violet because ya know, he was just with Jessica and all. Violet has this whole seduction thing going on, complete with candles and sexy lingerie. She tells him she knows that she can be a bit “aggressive” and proceeds to show him that he’s “appreciated”. Ahem. 

After discovering that he’s Hep-V-Positive, Bill calls a lawyer to settle his affairs. Jessica comes in the house and hears his conversation and tries to maintain her composure but you can tell she’s stunned at the news. Bill is gathering his papers in his office and see’s Jessica approaching. He asks her about James, she asks if he’s okay, and they both lie and say they’re fine. Bill leaves and goes to the lawyer’s office and has to take a number and wait! Bill Compton. Waiting in the lobby with cheesy muzak and all. 

Jessica is back still at the house and calls Jason. She tells him she’s not okay, and he gets out of bed to talk to her. She tells him to go get Sookie and bring her to Bill’s house ASAP. Jason grabs his clothes and bolts out the door. Violet wakes, and is pissed! Uh-oh. This isn’t going to be good. She goes all woman scorned and breaks shit. Later, Jason goes back to find a note from Violet that the relationship wasn’t working for her and she’s gone. Good riddance!

Jason gets to Sookie’s and finds her still curled in bed wrapped in Alcide’s jacket. He drags  Sookie out of bed and makes her go to Bill’s house. Once they arrive, Jessica tells Sookie about Bill’s status. Sook realizes that she may be infected and asks Jason to take her to get tested. You know what’s coming don’t you? The results are in and Sookie Stackhouse, you ARE a Hep-V Carrier. You gave it to Bill. Bitch. How many men will you have a hand in killing on this show? 

Bill finally has his number called at the lawyers office, only to find that he can’t easily change his will and since he was technically dead when the will was drafted, he can’t pass his property to his progeny. Lawyer lady tells him progeny’s are not recognized anyway, and he could do a work around. Bill would have to adopt Jessica, but that would take 5 months to a year. He could also choose to expedite the process for a cool $10 million and that would move him to the front of the line. Bill gets pissed and tries to mind control her, but she’s got on her blue-blocker anti-glamour contacts. He stands to leave and she insults him again and he snaps, picking up her letter opener and stabs her in the neck. He then cool as punch, picks up a pencil and takes out the dude running in to help her. 

He returns home to find Sookie and Jessica crying on his stairs.  

Andy wakes up and hears Adelyn making some moaning sounds from her room. Thinking she’s crying, he walks into room and finds her underneath Wade. Ahem. 

Andy goes into dad mode, freaks out, screams and jumps at him!

“Fucken little piss-ant cock-sucker! I’m going to ring your neck you little cock sucker!” 

He jumps over the bed, and runs out of the house with Andy hot on his tail, followed by Holly, Adelyn, and Arlene. Arlene defends her boy, and takes him home until Andy calms down, telling him she’ll deal with him later. Holly tries to cover Wade’s naked bum as they walk away. Or maybe she’s copping a feel of young backside. 

As they arrive at BelleFleurs, Arlene tells Holly to let Andy out of the dog house, and talk to her son about the birds and the bees before she has grandkids are your step-grandkids too! They get inside the restaurant and find the mess that was left behind, Arlene says 

“Well, shit happens Holly. You clean it up”

Andy comes in still pissed that Holly’s son was “sticking it” to his daughter. The two face off, Andy blaming Wade, Holly blaming Adelyn. Arlene tells them to both shut their pie holes! Love her! She gives her advice to get them talking, and work things out. They apologize with a few jabs thrown in and Arlene kicks them out to talk to those crazy hormone raging kids. They go home only to find that they have left because they want to be alone. 

Holly says “Rocky honey, you know that I love. I do. But I will GUT you if I have to. Now where THE FUCK did they go?”

 

And I thought my mom was scary. *Shivers*  

In a treehouse, they’re playing kissy face again when Violet shows up. She cons them saying that she can smell Adilyn a mile away. Ditch the cells phones so they can’t be tracked. 

“Who am I to stand in the way of true love”

She leads them away….

Lafayette takes Lettie Mae back to his place, and discovers James it there waiting. He asks for a place to stay the night. Lafayette tells him in his sultry voice “Sure thing.”

 

After introductions are made, Lafayette schools Lettie Mae, telling her:

 “James is a vampire, but be getting no bright ideas of taking a cleaver to him in the middle of the day.”

 

Mama-Mae tells her Tara woes, and James volunteers his own blood, believing that Tara may be trying to talk to her. Lafayette says fine, but he getting vamp-high with her. 

“We’re about to put some closure on this bitch. You getting me?”

James feeds both of them, they flop on the couch in their Vampblood high, and James goes down to the cellar. Mama-Mae starts to dream about Tara, who leads her and Lafayette back to their old house. Tara is digging up something in the yard, and the Rev wakes up Mae. Lafayette believes Mama-Mae and says they have to get to that old house. Rev tells Lettie Mae that he loves her, but cannot see her watch and do this to herself. Tells her she has to choose – the V or him. She says it’s not about the “V”, that her baby is trying to tell her something and she has to do this. The Rev walks away. 

Sam returns home to find his woman Nicki is going home. Not for a few days – she’s leaving for good saying she doesn’t belong there. She. Is. Done. 

Sara is seen jumping the fence and breaking into said sister’s casa. Once inside, her sister jumps her and takes a bite out of her, then proceeds to choke on Sara’s blood. Once they get up, Sara is surprised that her sister is sick, and Amber tells her “Fuck you, you did this to me” then promptly passes out. 

Amberwakes up, and Sara confesses that the Yakuza and some other really awful vampires are trying to kill her and sissy tells her to get out. She doesn’t care that their parents are dead, telling Sara that they all turned their backs on her and make her sick. Made her sick. Sara says she’s not that same person. She’s Newme. Not Sara Newlin anymore. She then tells her that she drank the antidote when the vampires revolted and she drank the entire supply of Hep-V Antidote. She’s the savior! 

“ I am the antidote sweetie. Let me save you!”

 Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot!

The Yakuza and their TRD-infused imports show up at Amber’s house. She answers the door and they find her…cured. 

Pam of course, barks “What. The. Fuck?”

Eric grabs her by the throat and asks “How come you’re healed?”

UUUGGGGGHHH. NOT NEWLIN!!!

How does TB take the most heinous character and make her the one that can save everyone? Genius. Pure genius. Evil genius. 

Next week: Amber tells that Sara is the cure. Sookie is running off to find it. Andy can’t find Adilyn and calls on Jessica for help. Violet is still evil and twisted.

Dead this week: no one!

Fool Me Once series: Tara Sivec

The Fool Me Once series focuses on three women: Kennedy, Paige, and Lorelei.Having been burned by her ex-husband, Kennedy starts the Fool Me Once Investigation business. Along with her two friends Paige and Lorelei, they specialize in finding the evil, cheating, bastard men and catching them in the act to help out the women who have hired them.

Shame on You is the first of three connected books and focuses on Kennedy.

Kennedy serves as the bounty hunter for the agency while helping her family's bond office, and the first case we are introduced includes a crazy bail jumper who has stolen a family Chihuahua. Her family hires her ex-husband's friend Griffin to partner with her on the case. He's the last person on earth she wants to be paired with, as she thinks he betrayed her friendship by keeping her cheating husband's secret!

Griffin makes Kennedy a bet: Whoever catches the bail-jumper first, wins. She gets to punch him as hard as she wants if she wins, and she agrees to the bet without asking what happens if he wins. When she finally does ask (haha, a bit too late!), she discovers she has to go out on a date with Griffin if she loses!  As she's trying to resist him and his charms, her family is trying to make sure they stay together.

"Kennedy and Griffin are in there...talking. They need to talk. You know, just talk. About...things" Lorelei explains to my father. 
"Griffin Crawford, you better be wearing protection while you talk to my daughter". 

The book is short but packs in a great deal! Family, football, hilarity, and a bit of sexy times, Shame on Me is a great fun read. As with many of Tara's books, you'll want the next ones in the series to be ready to read.

Book 2 is Shame on Me and has her friend / partner / ex-model Paige trying to lure a cheating husband into a compromising position. After trying her best to bait Matt Russo, she begins to question if he's really the cheater his wife accuses him to be. A couple of chance encounters (that are really her stalking him to find the truth), you discover that it's not Matt that should be investigated!

Paige's ex-husband's gambling problem, mob connections, and overall jerky behavior enter in to the mix, and you see Paige stand up for herself and come out a winner!

Paige and Matt band together to not only out his wife and her evil ways, but get Paige's ex-husband in the process - a two for one deal!

The third book, Shame on Him was just released and focuses on Lorelei, a lawyer from a background of privilege. She's ready to leave her stuffy suits and courtroom and become an investigator full time - except she can't figure out how to tell her parents who have very different expectations for her.

When she drops off a subpoena to a billionaire, she stumbles across his dead body! While she's a bit freaked out, she also realizes that this is her chance to solve the murder case, and establish herself as a real investigator. This is a great plan except for one thing (or one person if you will): Dallas Osborne. Dallas is the investigator hired to actually work the case. When she bets him that she can solve the case without him, he takes that bet thinking she will lose. Lorelei is soon interviewing suspects, finding more crime scenes, standing off to her uppity parents, and of course, falling for the cranky but uber sexy investigator.

These three books are fun and light reads. While each one can be read as a stand-alone book, they are connected in that the three women are partners in the business. While the books were short, they were typical of Sivec's other novels - hilarious banter between characters, kick ass women, and the bossy but sweet men that love them. Gotta love Tara Sivec! Her comedic style keeps me turning pages and laughing all the way.


Get all three at once, make yourself a margarita, sit down in the shade, and enjoy an afternoon with this series. You won't be disappointed!

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

And do yourself a favor and subscribe to her blog. Honestly, pee-in-your-pants, laugh so hard you snort posts and updates!! 
 http://www.tarasivec.com/

True Blood Season 7, Episode 5: Lost Cause. AKA: Got to Give it Up!

Willa is pissed! Screaming at Pam because Eric left her. He sits on his throne and acknowledges that he’s been a horrible maker for her. He also tells her he came back to find her “step-mother” Sara Newlin. She’s crafty – makes a bargain that she will tell what she knows if he releases her. Eric does without hesitation. 

“It’s like getting kicked in the cooch by a wallaby, isn’t it?”

Amber Mills, a vampire. Sister to Sara. Amber is in Dallas. Off they go!

Ginger begs to be taken with. Then begs Eric to have sexy times with her before he goes. 

Ginger: Do you know what a sex slave is without the sex?

Pam: A slave?

He doesn’t and she latches onto his coffin screaming like a banshee. She’s coo-coo that one.

Eric shows up at Ambers house to discover that she’s infected as well. She tells Eric her boyfriend turned her, and once she did, Sara freaked and paid her off to stay in the coffin while telling others that she was taken by vamps and disappeared. 

Pam likes Amber. Amber says that Sara has just arrived in Dallas, and went to mommy and daddy’s place. Actually, at a gala where the rents are going to be located. Pam says they’re going, Amber counters, nuh-uh, they only invite assholes. Eric, bless his heart, says they can BE assholes. *swoon*

Eric and Pam get cleaned up, each buying the other’s outfit. After getting Pam dressed in a pageant worthy purple sequenced dress, Pam quips. “Oh. My Gawd. I’m a Republicunt!”  As Eric is changing, pam cries that he’s Stage 2, and freaks out. He tells her “I’m gonna die Pam. You have to accept that.” I’m with Pam – I’m not accepting of that AT ALL!

 At the party, Eric is in a big ol’ ten gallon hat and a bolero tie! In their best Pam and Eric Do Dallas duds, they hit that fundraiser. While taking a potty break, Sara appears to her mother who asks her “Have you lost your ever-lovin’ mind?” Like a good southern mom, she asks “What have you done? Look at your hair!” She says she can’t help her because “My daughter is the monsters that created the monsters that are scaring everyone!” Sara says she’s not a monster, she’s a Buddhist. Then confesses that the Yakuza are after her.  Eric finds daddy and asks about Sara, just as the Yakuza people come in guns a blazin’! They start shooting up the place, and kill pops when he says he doesn’t know where Sara is at. Sara and her mama are running away with the Yakuza chasing them, mom gets shot in the back, Sara rounds a corner only to be confronted by Eric. He picks her up by the throat only to be distracted by the Yakuzas. He vamp speeds over and kills them.  

Lafayette goes to Sookie to see how she’s holding up. She’s being a crybaby. Says the house feels empty. Faye quips, well yah, Alcide was a big man and did take up a lot of space. He takes care of her and tucks her into bed, saying he will be there when she wakes up. He’s a doll. Can I have my own Lafayette? 

Sookie wakes to the sounds of banging, and fins that it’s Jackson packing up his son’s goods. Lafayette has set up an entire spread. Sookie asks why there’s enough food to feed the town on her table. Lafayette tells her it’s because the entire town will be there – they’re throwing a party. She’s too sad to have a party. Faye says “F-you to death, and hello to life”. Then he brings out the big guns. “What would Tara Want? What would Alcide want?” Hmm. Then Bill arrives carrying flowers for Sookie. She invites him in while she goes up to put her face on for the shindig. 

 Everyone’s grooving, even Bill is head bobbin’ while hanging at the fireplace. Holly and the girls are getting tanked. Meanwhile, Bill has a flashback to his early days, where he learns that Lincoln is going to war.

Making a toast, Jackson says that Alcide died a hero. His righteous cause was fighting for Sookie apparently. Lettie Mae shows up and Lafayette tries his best to drag her crazy ass out, but Sook keeps her there. She goes on to say that Tara was also a hero, sacrificing herself to save mama. 

Jessica is outside alone, and Andy comes out to check on her. She can’t go inside, and he says she can’t keep torturing herself over the girls as it’s making it hard on him as well. Life’s too short to be looking backwards. Andy is moving forward and tells Jess he needs her help to do that. He asks her for a ring so he can propose to Holly. Right now. Jessica asks Sookie for her gram’s ring. Andy finds Holly downstairs and he tells her he doesn’t deserve a woman like her, but he wants her anyway. She screams “YES!” and he says “um, I didn’t ask you yet. You gotta let me ask.” Awwwww. So cute. 

Arlene and Sook have a heart-to-heart, and Arlene confides that she would often wear Terry’s jacket after he died just to feel close to him. Later, Keith says hi to Arlene, and Sookie asks him to tone down his sexy. He’s smitten with Arlene and says she’s the most beautiful woman he’s seen in 300 years, and that he’ll see her in her dreams. Purrrrrrr. She says she has to go make tinkle because she’s a human and all! Fricken Arlene! She’s a hoot! 

James and Lafayette are having a deep conversation on the porch, and James confesses that Jessica gives him just enough love and affection to keep him hooked to her. Lafayette asks if James and Danny, his old army buddy were, you know, (insert obvious hand gesture here) and James says yes. Well, now you know why Danny’s dad beat the crap out of James. Lafayette makes his move and they start making out! 

Later, Jessica goes looking for James, and he’s outside getting busy with Lafayette in the back of a car. He looks up and sees her and she screams at him and runs. He says he’s sorry, she runs into the house and gets Jason to rescind his invite into the home. Jason goes after Jessica, and James just wants to be alone. Lafayette tells him “You know where I live.”

Lafayette confronts Jessica and tells her he knows her man better than she does. When she can’t answer key questions that Faye is asking, she realizes he may be right. He gets in her face and states “Has it ever fucking occurred to you that maybe I want a piece of happiness too?” He asks Jessica to let James go if she’s not fully committed to him so that he can take over.

Jason tells Jessica that he would have loved to put his granny’s ring on someone’s finger someday, but not Violet’s. Jessica thinks he is sweet and kisses him. Then they get semi-naked and get busy. I think she’s officially over James. Violet hears them and goes upstairs and listens outside the door. She’s not happy. 

Lettie Mae then goes cray-cray and stabs Willa, saying Tara is trying to contact her from the other side and only Willa’s blood can get Tara’s answers. Lafayette tells her it’s not her drinking problem that makes people think she’s crazy. It’s the fact she just stabbed someone.

Sams’s woman Nicole freaks and says that everyone on this town is nuts, throwing a party when people are dead, HVamps are running amuck, and all hell is breaking lose around them. 

After everyone has left, Sookie looks around and finds Alcide’s jacket on her bed. She puts it on and crawls up reaching over to his now empty pillow. It’s really quite emotional and sad. But dammit, it’s still her fault! 

Bill flashbacks continue to show him talking to his Caroline. He doesn’t want to fight. Tells her she was his first and only true love. He vows to come back to her and the children. He wakes in the bathtub, and goes out to see himself in the mirror – and he’s infected too! 

Fricken shit! 

Now what? At least no one else died in this episode, but is TB really going to kill off Eric AND Bill in the same way? Is there no-one left in the end? We shall have to wait and see…

True Blood Seaons 7, Ep 4: Death is not the end. AKA -- It's the end of Vince!

I go on vacay for a week and True Blood gets all depressing! This is a shorter recap since I have two weeks to update. Silly me going to a tropical island and missing two episodes! 

 Last week's episode was bleak as hell. The Stackhouse’s place calls telling Alcide’s pop Jackson about his demise, and one to Hoyt saying his Mama died. 

Pam and Eric are on their way home. Snarky Pam is back. More flashbacks tell of how Fangtasia was created. It was all Ginger’s idea! From a cheesy video rental store, to a flashy vamp nightclub. 

According to Ginger, they need  stripper poles and an elevated stage where Eric can sit on his throne as king of the Vamps. According to Ginger, it’ll be a hit “because sex sells, and Eric Northman is nothing if he is not pure fucking sex on a throne.” I’m with ya there Gin! 

They make their way back to Bon Temps and are off to find and kill the Christian, only to stop by Bills place and see Sookie and others. Eric asks Sookie what trouble she’s gotten herself into – what else is new?. She’s shitty because her boyfriend died, Eric is surprised and pissed at the Sookie-Alcide connection. Eric recants his travels since he left – quite the world traveler, he is! Willa shows and is pissed at Eric for leaving her after she was created. 

Healthy vamps are in short supply, so Bill feeds from Sookie, and Jessica, who has been refusing to feed, gets some much needed nutriment from Lafayette after he tells her he’s not so innocent – he killed the man he loved. 

"So come on, pretty girl. Show me those baby fangs of yours,"

After Sookie does her hand-holding mind magic on Holly, they discover where the others are being held captive. Sookie and Bill are off to Fangtasia and Eric and Pam join along. Bitchy Pam is fabulous! 

Sam goes rat form and gets into the basement, and Arlene, bless her heart, doesn’t blink at naked Sam but asks “Um excuse me, were you just a rat?”

Eric tries to Karate kid the wall between them and Arlene et al. and can’t. Bill knocks the shit out of

it and he and Pam go in for the rescue. One is missing – Arlene. They go upstairs to find her being sucked by multiple vamps and seeing visions of Terry. They try to save her, and next thing you know, it’s the Jets and the Sharks! Or Healthy vs. HVamps, and the Healthy Vamps come out on top for now.

Dead this week = Vince

Tamed, by Emma Chase

There’s something about reading a book from a man’s point of view – it’s different. Honest. Most of all, it’s hilarious! That’s what I love about this series. Tamed features Matthew Fisher (Drew’s best friend) and the developing relationship between him and Delores (Kate’s BFF). The book runs concurrent in time with Tangled, and you get just a bit of outsider perspective on what happened with Kate and her douchey ex-boyfriend Billy. 

“While he [Drew] and Kate were figuring their shit out? There was this whole alternate universe going on with Delores and me that you don’t know about. So stick around.”  

Matthew is Drew-lite. He’s wickedly adorable, has smart observations about women (and Dee in particular), and is funny! While first impressions of her makes him think that she’s a stripper (the wild clothes and all), he’s surprised to find that she’s a chemist. Kate tells him Dee is a love-em and leave-em kinda girl. Just what Matthew is looking for! He gets Dee’s business card from Kate, and is excited to give her a go.

“And now I know how Charlie felt when he was handed the last golden ticket to Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.”

 Dee gets the call from Matthew and is game for whatever he’s offering. A night (or a few) of fun with no strings attached. 

“I like my martinis just like my sex…Dirty is always better.”

She’s smart, quirky, and confident. She is independent and goes after what she wants. They hook up, and when he says he wants to see her again, she’s not waiting around for his phone call. Matthew realizes that he wants more of Dee. Dee on the other hand is not a relationship kind of girl

“I’m more content person when I’m not in a relationship. When I get serious with someone….I get a little crazy.”

What you discover is that Dee has some issues and Matthew is going to work through them to get his girl. For every wall she put up, he does his best to tear it down. Matthew has his own baggage as well, but the two of them fight with, and for each other, with hilarious banter and obvious chemistry. 

Alexandria, Steven, Mackenzie, Drew, and Kate all make appearances. Lexi is particularly bitchy, but you love her for it. Add in conniving ex and you’ve got a great story!  This one made me laugh and at one point, snort! After hearing about Matthew’s version of the pre-Thanksgiving dinner, It also made me go back and re-read that scene in Tangled (my favorite EVER!).  This book also made up for the long list of clunkers I've read over the past few months.

Emma Chase continues to write the perfect blend of comedy, romance, snarky conversations, lovable characters, and does the best bitch in Lexi that I’ve ever read! Lexi rocks, but only a short second to Mackenzie.  It’s going to be a long three months before Tied comes out – which circles back to Drew and Kate and their upcoming wedding. 

“The greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way”

I can only imagine what happens on the way to the altar! Can’t wait!