Saturday, October 10, 2015

Scandal Season 5, Ep3: Paris is Burning. AKA: Sit. Yo. Ass. Down.

Yes. I am the mistress! I love these truth-bombs at the end of a show. 
 Hoo-boy! Olivia is outing herself with the truth about her and Fitz’s affair, at the same time that Fitz and Mellie are inside lying their faces off about the state of their relationship. Cue music…

Abby sees that this is happening and needs to put a stop to it. What easier way than to claim there’s an intruder in the house and use the Secret Service to rush in and scurry out Fitz and Mellie to safety. Fitz and Mellie watch Olivia’s television statement, and while Mellie looks like she’s about to bust a blood vessel, Fitz is smug and smirking with a “that’s my girl” face. Mellie barges out into her own office, and Liv enters and apologizes to Fitz. He’s all mushy and tells her he loves that she did that…smoochies.

Abby is trying to help Mellie spin doctor the mess, invoking the dead son as the reason for their “growing apart.” Mellie has other plans…she calls in Cyrus!! He’s so excited to be back in the White House, I swear I heard him squeal. 

When he asks Mellie what she wants, she says “I want to destroy Olivia Pope!” She wants Liv to suffer, bleed, puke up poison. Mellie is beyond pissed!  Oh Mellie. You’re pissed because everyone knows about it and the attention is not on you and your upcoming presidential run. Which,  BTW, is exactly what she tells Cyrus she really wants. 

So now there’s negotiations between Mellie/Cyrus and Fitz/Olivia. Abby is being bounced between the two campus like a freaking ping-pong ball, trying to broker agreement so that they can play nice and finish their fake interview. Mellie wants to take him to the preverbal cleaners: house, kids, support for her ridiculous presidential bid, and half-a-mil per year. Oh, and Liv can’t been seen in public with Fitz, can’t become Olivia Grant. Meh. Marriage is over-rated anyway. Just live in sin Liv. Fitz is fine with deal because he gets Olivia, which is all he really wants. While Mellie is all demanding and shit, she’s also broken and in need of her hooch. She’s rummaging through her closets, looking for her Mississippi Moonshine, and in walks Olivia. Mellie offers her a swig (she declines) and tells her to kiss her life goodbye: her privacy, her company, her needs. All of it goes to Fitz now. Recommends Liv stock up on her own hooch to cope with her new prison in the shadow of Fitz. Me thinks Olivia and her wine-stock are going to be fine. 

Speaking of OPA, Jake unplugs, and Huck wants to really unplug. Like in, take down the entire internet to save Olivia’s name! LOL! HuckleberryQuinn high-five at that one. Then Liv calls in to see what’s up. Jake talks to her and tells her everything is good. 

Okay…recap-interruptus here. First, Jake. Really? Why do you keep grabbing any little crumb that Olivia throws you. Huck – step in and bro-slap the brother. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jakey. But really, a girl can only see him wimper for attention for so long. /endrant

Back to the story.  Things finally get good. Liv and Abby are fighting. Abby screams that Liv is no friend, lying to her about the relationship. Olivia claims to have been protecting Abby, who calls bullshit. She was trying to protect herself. Olivia backs down from Fitz and tells him to just wait until he’s done being president, he says “No way” and asks her why she’s giving up on them. She snaps “Do you ever think about what I’m giving up?” um….err. Nope. He didn’t. 

Fitz then has a heart-to-heart with Mellie and tells her “You’re feeling abandoned because I abandoned you.” DUH! He admits to using her to get him into the White House. Mellie tells him that she thought they would grow old together, and then questions what he ever gave up for her. Obviously, nothing. 

Cyrus goes to Fitz and asks for his job back. Fitz tells him to get out (he’s getting good at saying those two words). Cyrus goes away like a sad puppy that was left outside in the rain. He then runs back to Mellie telling her she got played by Fitz. She realizes that Cyrus is right, and leaves him hanging to fix his own mess. Abby goes to the press room and does what Olivia Pope taught her to do best: Spin the story right round, baby right round, like a record baby, right round, round-round.  “You know that Olivia Pope has a certain reputation here in Washington.” Hmm. As what? Fixer? Hooker? Man Stealer? 

Fitz is ready to run into the press room and pull Abby out by her hair, and Olivia tells him to sit his ass down. Sit. Your. Ass. Down! Handing him two fingers of what looks like bourbon (because real men drink bourbon/whiskey, right?), she tells him shut it, “Sit down. Sit there, and watch me choose you.” 

Mellie and Cyrus are seeing driving off somewhere. HuckleberryQuinn and Jake are watching the news and Quinn remarks that the Louvre is burning and the news is barely covering it. They’re focused on the Fiz-Olivia show. Jake perks up, whatWhatWHAT? The Louvre is on fire? Runs out and straight to Papa fricken Pope! What the heck is going on? PP states “And Nero fiddled while Rome burned.” 

Sheet. Something is up with B613 again. Who’s burning? Actually and metaphorically?
One thing is for sure, Jake will be around for more, and we’ll be seeing more of Papa Pope.

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