Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Game of Thrones, Season 5, Ep8: Hardhome. AKA: Zombie Wars!

Once again the evil overlords otherwise known as "auto post" have magically deleted last week's recap. In a nutshell: Cersei's in jail, Tyrion and Jorah are sold as slaves and Tyrion is revealed as "the gift" for Daenerys, Sansa asks Theon for help. 

This week:

Tyrion finally meets Daenerys, who promptly asks him “Who are you?” and “Why shouldn’t I kill you?” Tyrion talks to Daenerys about their alliance. To gage if she can trust him, she asks him what she what she should do with Ser Jorah. She tells him he betrayed her and vowed to kill him should he return. Tyrion tells her she shouldn’t kill him off as he was once her faithful servant. She’s been betrayed, and like that old saying “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” Daenerys banishes Jorah from the city again. Jorah asks to be enslaved again so that he can fight in the pits since he has nothing else to live for.  

They talk about how to get the Iron Throne and Tyrion tells her she would do better staying in Mereen since she doesn’t have support of many others: No Tagaryens, no Lannisters, no Starks. She wants it all, and tells him that the Game of Thrones is just a wheel and she’s not going to spin it, she’s going to break it. Tyrion tells her she can’t go in with force alone.

Cersei is in jail and looking a lot like Margaery – dirty and disheveled! She’ brought water by the Septa and holds out the spoon for her to drink and is scolded “Confess!”  When she refuses – she’s bitch slapped. I think this is my favorite part of the entire season. No, the entire series! She won’t confess to the High Sparrow! She won’t beg like some bare-footed commoner! She’s bid goodbye. She learns her trial is soon and she’s accused of fornication (check), treason (check), incest (check, check), and the murder of King Robert (um, check). Seems she’s been deserted and the young King won’t see her. Mommie dearest, that’s what you get for pissing off your son when he begged for his queen. Qybern tells her Kevan Lannister has control of the council, the burden of proof for her crimes is pretty low amongst the Faith, and she just needs to fess up – confess and be absolved. She refuses and again, and again, the Septa comes to bring her water and see if she’s changed her mind about spilling her sins. She does her wicked Cersei scream and calls for the Septa’s death. The Septa just pours the water on the floor, which Cersei licks up like a dog once the Septa leaves. 

Arya is playing the game of faces again. She tells Jaqen that her name is Lana, and she’s an orphan who begged enough money to buy a bucket of oysters, and once she has enough to buy more she walks through Braavos selling her gods. She’s good – not getting smacked once for her tale. After telling her story with no affect – she is told that she has done well and will make a fine servant for the Many-Faced God. She is told which direction to go with her goods, and report back what she sees. She ends up selling her oysters to a man that appears to be collecting gold. Jaqen describes him as The Gambler, but really he’s a cheat – gambling on the lives of merchants that sell themselves and their safe return for a price, somewhat like a strange insurance policy. When the merchant’s ships go down, he doesn’t pay the claim to the families of the dead merchant, as who is going to challenge him? Jaqen tells Arya/Lana to hand the gambler a vial of poison. When she heads out again, the other girl says she’s not ready, and Jaqen replies that it really doesn’t matter if she is ready or not. Hmm – if she’s not ready does she end up in the creepy Hall of Faces? 

Theon goes to deliver Sansa food and she asks him how he could rat her out and tell Ramsay that she wanted to escape. He screams that he isn’t Theon, he is Reek. In his mind, he saved her from the torture he experienced. Tells her how Theon was strapped to a cross and was carved away piece by piece until there was no more of him left. Sansa says she would do the same to him for what he did to her family. He confesses all his sins, including killing “those two boys”. Bran and Rickon weren’t the ones killed. He couldn’t find them so he used two farm boys that he killed and burned so no one would know. Sansa is trying to find out where they went. He freaks out and runs from the room but Sansa now knows her brothers live. Where the heck are they anyway? 

Ramsay wants to take on the Stannis armies rather than letting them die of starvation and cold. He tells daddy Lord Bolton that he only needs 20 men to do so. Eep! What is this sick dude up to now? 

And finally, Jon Snow goes with Tormund to Hardhome. He talks to the Lord of Bones who says that Tormund is a traitor, and Tor gives him the royal beat down with his own stick! So then Jon talks to the elders and tries to get them to go down south with him, and fight to White Walkers along with him when they come. He tells them they’re not friends, and his proposal isn’t about being BFF’s in the future – it’s about survival. They ask where Mance is and Jon tells them he shot him in the heart, but it was done in mercy. While many of the elders to with, others say behind. Ruh-roh! Not a good idea. As Jon is loading the boats with the Wildlings, World War Z (the movie version, not the book) and The Walking Dead collide and it’s an all-out zombie fest!! Where’s Rick and Daryl when you need them? Jon goes back to get the Dragonglass, and sees the White Walkers on their horses. Epic fight scene! Fight, zombie, eat, kill, slash, fall down, get back up. While real men are on the ground fighting, Wun-Wun the Giant is playing whack-a-mole smashing zombies with his feet. 

The White Walkers attack and crash through the swords of everyone except Jon, who has his super strength Valyrian steel on his side. Jon and his super steel take down The Lord Commander. Jon and Tormund then high-tail it to the boat while the other Wildlings are left behind go get eaten by zombies and resurrected. 

I can’t describe the impact of this scene – similar to the Red Wedding, it was epic, grand scale and well done!.

One thing is for sure: The series is diverging from the book and will soon be ahead of the story.

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