Who is the strange yoga guru dude? There is no one else. Nobody to your left, and nobody to your right. But right in front of you, is some strange shit going on! Namaste muther effers. Freaky freaky Christian bible bitch is back!! Sara Newlan. Later we find that she is riding the Guru, and when they’re done, he tells her to go make him a sandwich. Not really, but go get a bottle of wine. While she’s in the wine cellar, the head of the Yakanomo Corp (those dudes that created True Blood) are looking for Sara. Guru says he doesn’t know where she is, and bye bye Guru. Sara is seen crouching in the cellar as Gurublood seeps under the door.
Pam talks to Eric and asks how long he’s been sick. He’s recognized signs since last month in St. Petersburg. She tells him of Tara’s true death. He asks:
“Did you play the bucket game? I like the bucket game.”
She yells at him: “You are Eric Fucking Northman! You don’t give up. You fight.”
We get treated to a flashback of a younger (well, in Vampire time younger) Eric in France doin’ the daughter of the local vineyard owner. Ah Sylvie. He's interrupted by Nan from The Authority. When it comes down to it, he’s told by Nan/The Authority he “Cannot publicly be biting, sucking, and fucking open in public.” The Authority has to get him in line with this Yakanomo Corp creation of True Blood as it’s big business, big money y’all.
Later, Eric is in the vineyard fucking Sylvie again, when Pam interrupts him. Pam is being held by the head honcho at the YakaCorp who tells Eric he’s got a choice to make. One of them has to die – Sylvie or Pam. You pick. He says he wants them to kill him, and he’s told the Authority wants him alive. He says “Pam. Pam lives” and Sylvie goes down with a sword to her middle. Eric is then captured as well. At least he has his rocking turquoise pants from the 80s on. Oh wait, he has pants on. Bummer.
Back to the present: He says he didn’t contract the virus on purpose, but went with a deal with the devil attitude. Pam pleads to stay for him to fight. There’s one thing that gets him moving – Pam tells him Sara Newlan is still alive thanks to Jason Stackhouse.
"Well lets go find her, shall we?"
Adilyn and Wade are in the jail cell, about to smooch again. Or for the first time since Wade was clean slated by a vamp. Jessica and Andy come in to find them and tell them “they” are after anyone and anything that is different from them.
Sam is chatting to the Rev about what happened in St. Alice. People disappearing in the middle of pizza. He’s giving up wondering what life is all about. He’s done. Rev tells him he has to have faith. Tells him the family had Jesus in every single bedroom – what good did it do them?
Willa comes to get them and Mama Mae is running in after her, screaming that she needs to understand and know where Tara is at. Rev once again talks her down from her HVamp high, then takes her home. Willa asks if he knew if Mae did hurt herself on purpose, and he suspects she did. Willa feeds from him while he talks about his wife and how she strayed. He says he lost faith in everything. He would pretend he wasn’t home when people came to look for him. He put on his collar and drove – ending up in Bon Temps. At the bottom of the church steps, he found a woman clutching a bottle of Captain Morgan and he recalls his first encounter with Lettie Mae. Says she saved him as much as she saved her. Tells Willa she’s an addict, and Willa is just a bottle of Cap to MamaMae. She has to go.
Sam goes out with his vamp aide and comes face to face with the Vince gang. Vince howls at him, saying he’s “Taking his town back”. You tricked the people thinking they were voting for a human being, and they were voting for the devil. Vince tells everyone he’s the major and wants everyone to go home. They get trigger happy and kill his vamp, and Sam turns into a hawk and flew away.
Jason wants a baby with his woman Violet. Invoking Andy’s line “A man ain’t nothing without a family.” She tells him “What one incident and you’re turning into a girl?” She tells him he was a man when he was in the cell with her, a man with dignity and an iron clad cock. Not a modern man with feelings.”
Interrupted by Andy and Jessica, Violet and Jessica standoff, but call a truce until they find Sookie. Adilyn tells him that the Vince mob is likely after Sookie. They go off looking for her and come across Sam’s abandoned truck. They stop and the Vince mob comes out.
Maxine is pissed at Jessica, telling her “You made Hoyt leave me. You tore out his heart like he didn’t even matter.”
She takes a shot at Jessica and hits her in the shoulder, and Violet goes vamp after Maxine and rips out her heart. Jessica is shot and not healing. Violet takes down one of the mob and brings him back to Sam.
Lafayette is getting down with his bad self when James comes over looking for more weed. He want’s off some Jessica shit.
“We lived together, Sleep next together, occasionally fuck, but she doesn’t know I’m there.”
Lafayete asks him what the last drug he remembers taking, and he tells him and that the experience was like being in the ocean. Layfayette passes out and James freaks – thinking that he OD-ed on him, he shakes him hard to wake him up. “What is your malfunction?” Faye snaps. I love him! He then asks “Is you groovin’ on me?”
James gives an uncomfortable smirk, Faye apologizes and says he must have misread him. James says no you didn’t misread anything, but I’m with Jessica. Faye goes through some this, that, and whatever to get them altered and once he’s lit, he can feed James so he can get high as well. They’re both trippin, listening to some old school funk. They’re floating.
At Fangtasia, the HVamps are hurting for food. Below, the women are doing a spirit chant. Arlene is asked to go hunting for more food. They come upon a couple in the woods and take them back.
Bill says he has to live with the memories of what he did to Sookie forever. But he does have a clean slate. She will have to take his blood or he won’t’ be able to help her. He bit his wrist, and Sookie starts sucking. He gets all excited and she mumbles “I have a boyfriend” LOL!
Alcide finds Sookie is gone. Goes running off to find her without his shirt off. Yum. Get a good look, as it won’t last long. He goes to Bill house and kicks in the door, running in looking for Sookie. He comes out in wolf form, still on the hunt. He meets up with Sam in the woods and they both take human form and chat, then morph into pups and run off again.
Sookie is in the forest, and Bill is in a tree looking at her. Their plan is to bait Vampires. She tells him when he first took her to Fangtasia, that’s what he called her – Vampire Bait. That’s what she’s doing – fulfilling her purpose.
They start talking about Alcide and Bill asks “Do you love him?”
“That would be none of your business William Thompson”
Sounds like Alcide wants kids, and Sookie doesn’t. She’s never admitted it until now but she’s afraid that she doesn’t love him as much as he loves her. Alcide is descent and handsome (yah) and grounded. He’s good (mmmhmmm). But she can hear it in his voice and his thoughts – he means it more than she does and she can’t take it for much longer.
Bill says "Love isn’t always equal. Maybe you’ll grow to love him more”.
Sookie is sick of waiting and cuts herself, yelling out “Hello?! I taste like sunshine and flowers and I’m right fucking here!” The vamps come out after Sookie, they grab her and Bill, at the same time that Alcide and Sam in pup form jump on the Vamps. Jason/Andy/Jessica/Violet are also there and they immediately shoot the other HVamps splashing blood all over Sook. Violet takes her to the river to wash her off. Once they take out the HVamps, and Alcide returns to his human form and goes off on Bill asking him what the hell was he thinking. Then….Shots fired.
Alcide is SHOT!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!
He’s down. He’s gone. Violet and Jessica offer to turn him. Sookie says no, I’ve been down that road before. She already turned Tara against her will to save her, and she wasn’t going to do it to Alcide.
So, he’s dead.
He’s lying there is all his naked glory. Gone. Excuse me while I take a moment.
In an interview with HBO (http://tinyurl.com/nklxdod), Joe Manganiello says he knew he was a gonner once he was hooked up with Sookie. The good guys always die first. In his interview, he’s asked:Q: Is there anything that you won’t miss?
JM: "Shooting in Malibu in December is really difficult. People don’t understand how cold it gets up there. There were two nights in a row where the temperature was below 20 degrees. And we’re barefoot. And naked. And you have to lay on the ground sometimes. It’s not easy to pretend to be sexy when your bones are rattling."Gotta tell ya Joe – no pretending needed. Your cold bones are hot!