Sunday, April 27, 2014

Game of Thrones - Oathkeeper

So the man comes in the room and tells me I have to watch this video before I watch GoT tonight.
 Yah. Welcome to my life.

Okay, so Game on!  

My. Name. Is. Grey. Worm. I. Come. From. Summer. Ills. 

It's time. Time for what you ask? Well, Daenerys sends Grey to have a chat with the slaves. The slaves are storming the castle trying to get under the bars and shit. They push their way into the underground tunnel (sewer system), and once they're in their secret lair, they find Grey has brought them swords and essentially tells them to kick some ass. Graffiti on the walls tells the masters to go eff the hell off, and the slaves come a-chargin'-in! Yay! Everyone is celebrating their freedom. It's the great wall of I'm no longer a slave. Daenerys goes to the top of the wall and asks "Remind me, how many children did the great masters nail to the posts?" 160. Despite being advised to have mercy, she's all "no way fool, I will answer justice with justice." and starts stringing those master bastards up in their Jesus Christ poses, and leaves them screaming.

Jamie gets his ass knocked to the dirt with his own hand. LOL.  After playing with swords, Jamie visits Tyrion in his cell telling him, hey, these digs aren't as bad as mine were when I was held captive. Jamie asks if he killed Cersei's son. Tyrion says "um, her son?" (wink-wink). yah, we all know that little Joffrey was the product of the twins. Tyrion is worried that his three judges all want him dead, including his father and sister. Jamie chuckles "well, she did ask".
You're really asking if I killed your son? 
You're really asking if I'd kill my brother? 

Jamie says that Cersei is also looking for Sansa, thinking she might have had something to do with it. Tyrion says she's not a killer. Matters not, for Cersei is in turbo bitch mode.

Sansa asks LittleFinger "Did you kill Joffrey?" LF denies it, asks if Tyrion did it, to which Sansa says no. But then says oh, hey. You were involved. LittleFinger tells Sansa, um, hey did you notice that there was a stone missing in that fake necklace? Poison. He infers that he has new friends that he is working with. He doesn't admit it, but says "A man with no motive is a man no one suspects. always keep your fools confused. They can't know what you plan to do next." LF says he takes risks to get what he wants -- and he wants everything. 

Margaery 's gramma  is getting ready to leave. She tells the story of how she was going to be married to a Targaryan with a twitchy face. She conveniently got lost and happened upon her sister's betrothed Luther. She gave him good sexy times and he forgot all about the sister. Gramma says "Dear child, you don't think I'd let you marry that beast Joffrey?", while adjusting the necklace Margaery is wearing. Okay, wait? Gramma did it? Gramma and Little Finger's people?

Snow is teaching the men how to fight. Allister comes in and tells him it's not your job to teach them, go empty a chamber pot or something. Allister and Janos plot against Snow.

Censei sends for Jamie asking how many guards are outside Tommin's door. Why did  Catelyn Stark set you free? Why? She tells him he made a deal with the enemy by agreeing to find her children. He said he made that promise so he could get back to sister-love. Cersei asks "If I told you to leave and find Sansa and bring me her head woud you do it? I know you went to see Tyrion." she bitches some more, blah blah, then dismisses him. 

Margaery goes and visits Tommin in teh middle of the night, telling him she is to be his bride and they should get to know each other ifyouknowwhatImean...Um, how old is he? Does he even have chest hair? So she doesn't actually finish him off, just tells him her nighty-night visits are their little secret and she kisses his forehead and leaves. Awwww.

Jamie gives the sword that he was given to Brienne, asks her to defend Lady Stark's children. He also gives her a new suit of armor because what he-woman doesn't want a new armored suit from her suitor? She's all drooly. Jamie also tries to give her a squire who says " I promise I won't slow you down".  Brienne names her sword "Oathkeeper".

Snow tells his men the Knights Watch is a brotherhood, and asks who will join him. *crickets* *crickets*. Finally, men start to stand. One by one. Of course, this displeases Allister. If only he would choke on a chicken bone!

Kreepy Karl is drinking from a skull, and talking trash to everyone in the room. he's on a drunken rant, telling everyone he was a legend. "You should shut your face, you look like a ball sack. stupid cunt face." Sounds just like the compliments my friends and I give each other after a few glasses of wine! In comes the babyCraster, the women start chanting "gift from the gods". What are you suppose to do with him? Kill 'em says Karl.I don't need another mouth to feed. He offered them to the gods. The White Walkers.

 The baby is taken out to the snow and left there.Bran and others hears the baby crying, and Bran goes all trance face and sends his wolf to go get the babe. He finds out they have Ghost - his brother's wolf. They go and spy on the and end up captured. Stupids. 

A White Walker grabs the babe, rides on his creepy horse to the middle of nowhere, and leaves the baby on an ice-block in the middle of some icy Stonehenge thing until a witch-master white walker turns the baby into one of them.At least I think that's what happened. He put his ET phone home finger to the baby's cheek and his eyes turned ice blue, so what do you think happened?

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