Joffrey is still dead!! YAY!!! Okay on to the rest of the episode....
Sansa has left, ran away with Dontos the drunk fool, ran to the sea, and jumps in to a boat and paddles off into the fog. Off to the big bad pirate ship they go! As she climbs into the ship, someone grabs her and drags her up.
Lord Baelish (Little Finter) swoops her up into the ship! What?? Why is he there?
Little Finger tells her that the necklace that she wears, the gift from the fool that was an heirloom from his mother, is really something that he made a few weeks ago. One of Finger’s men shoots the fool who delivered her to the ship — so as to protect the secret of Sansa’s fleeing. Little Finger tells her that she’s safe and that they’re now fleeing home.
Margaery and her grandmother talk about Joffrey’s death, and she tells her that she’s probably better off for it. Margaery is freaking out over the death of yet another one of her men. Gramna tells her she’s going to be fine….just fine. Um, okay.
Twyin, Cersei, and Tommen are all sad and boo-hoo-ing overJoffrey’s death. They’re standing in the room talking over his body as daddy Tywin prepares young Tommen for his new role as future king. Twyin tells Tommen that wisdom is what makes a great king. A wise king knows what he knows and recognizes the things he doesn’t know. You’re young – you’ll listen to the counsel when you are young and long after. Tywin says that Joffrey was not a wise king as he didn’t listen to his counsel. Yah, because he was a twit!! “Perhaps if he had, he’d still be alive.” Yikes!
Cersei believes that the brother she isn’t sleeping (Tyrion people, keep up with me) with killed her son. She recalls him saying that he would kill her son and ruin her happiness. Avenge him! Kill Tyrion! Jamie says: What? No way dude. That’s my brother, our brother. Cersei doesn’t care. She wants him dead.
Jamie tells her you’re a hateful woman. Why did the gods make me love a hateful woman? Then, brother and sister get it on beneath a dead Joffrey. She resists, he pushes, she says stop, he says no way. Um, they’re sick. Cersei says it’s not right…Jamie grunts “I don’t care!” So is this all sister rapey shit or did Cersei finally give into her brother lover again? Hmm, hard to tell. Some cry rape, others say not so much. A little change of writing from the books, me thinks.
Hound and Arya are going toward Fairmarket. As other travelers notice the, Arya says “forgive my father. He was wounded”…and goes on to tell them a story of how he was a warrior and blah blah blah, lies lies whatever. The strangers offer them a place to say and rabbit stew. At dinner, Hound says grace stating “we ask the stranger not to kill us in our beds tonight for no damn reason at all.” They suck up the soup while the strangers look on as if, “What the hell is wrong with you people?” The man offers Hound “Fair wages for fair work”, and while Hound seems to agree, he smacks the dude on the head and steals his silver. Arya calls him a shit, and Hound says he just knows how things are, then asks her “how many Starks do they have to behead before you figure it out?” Ouch. Low blow, dude. Low blow.
Stannis tries to figure out how he’s going to win the throne. He things that Melisandre’s curse killed Joffrey. Um, okay.
Gilly and her baby are taken to a brothel by Sam, asking for room and board and to clean, and cook, and look after the other girls babies. Sam tells her she’ll be safer here, and he can’t just run away. He says she has to trust him that it’s for the best. “Best for you” she states.
Prince Oberyn is whoring it up again, orgy style in the brothel. Oberyn is asked by Ellari “you love them both the same, boys and girls”. He’s all: double the pleasure, double the fun! Lord Twyin comes in spoiling their fun. Oberyn asks him to sit (on the bed) and Twyin is says no thank you, which really means, um, no way in hell am I sitting on that crusty bed.
Tywin tells him he thinks he plotted to kill Joffrey since he has a knowledge of poisons. Oberyn tells Tywin he things he had his sister killed. They have a chat, and they talk about helping each other serve justice to help their own needs.
Tyrion’s a prisoner. Podrick brings him food and drink. Tyrion asks him about Shae, and what people are saying about him. Podrick tells him that he’ll be facing trial. He said of course I didn’t do it, if I did, I wouldn’t do it while I was left standing there gawking at the dying twit. Lord Tywin, Mace Tyrell, and Prince Oberyn are to serve at the trial. Tyrion asks for his own witnesses, and he asks for Sansa. Podrick tells her she’s gone, no one has seen her since the wedding. Tyrion tries to determine who will be present as witnesses. Podrick Payne would be his new name if he testifies against Tyrion. Tyrion tells Pod no way dude. Get out of Kings Landing before it’s too late and they chop of your head as well as mine. He walks out and Tyrion pays him a compliment as he leaves.
The Wildlings attack a small camp. One of them takes a small boy who knows how to get to Castle Black, and tells him he is going to eat his dead mama and papa. Ewwww. Sick. The night watch says they are the ones that need to keep an eye on the wall, and the Wildings breach will roll over everyone and everything. So, defend the wall dudes.
Daenerys gets challenged by a champion of the slaves. He hurls some insults, saying he wants to finds a challenger. Tells Daenerys her dudes are an army of men without man parts. They hide their cock in their own asshole. Them are fighting words!! All of the men that worship Daenerys volunteer, but she cannot sacrifice them. Instead, Daario says he’ll do it. The slave champion rides toward Daario who just stands there, all cool, waiting for the charging horse. He lifts his dagger, kisses it, and flings it into the eye of the horse! Ewww. The horse throws down his rider, and Daario takes out his blade and Whomp. Whoosh. Dead.
Daenerys tells the people their masters have told them lies about her. She has nothing to say to them, only to you, my people. She tells of freeing the slaves in other cities. So, here, Meereen. I can do the same. I am not your enemy. Your enemy is beside you, steals and murders your children. I bring you a choice. And I bring your enemies what they deserve.
She fires crates filled with shackles at the castles. The slaves pick them up and see, Whoa, she’s for reals.