Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Game of Thrones: The Mountain and the Viper. AKA "Goodnight Sweet Prince"

Missandei is bathing in the river herself when Grey Worm sees her and goes a pervy staring at her. She tells Daenerys about it but doesn’t seem that disturbed. Dany wonders if he’s lost both “the pillar and the stones” (lol) when he was castrated. Sorry, that made me think of the scene in Austin Powers:
 “gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working...My meat and two veg, my twig and berries. Hello lads, you still awake?”

Missandei then sees Grey in the throne room tells him she's glad he saw her. Grey says he didn’t mind seeing her either. Bow chica wow wow. I can see a little romance in the future!

Ser Jorah was once on the crown's payroll as a spy. Ser Baristan is kind enough to give Ser Jorah a heads up about the letter, but won't let him tell Dany alone – “you'll never be alone with her again.”
Ser Jorah begs for forgiveness. “But babe, I have secretly loved you but haven’t made a move for years!”
“Out of my city!” she screams. Okay, she really said “I do not want you in my city dead or alive, don't ever presume to touch me again or speak my name.” Touch? What? There was no touching. If there were, Jonah would have been crying at your feet!

It’s so tragic. It's like a bad break-up, but thankfully it's not on a post-it note. Dany really is in her own world and on some crazy power trip, not realizing she’s walking right into the hornets’ nest – Tywin’s evil dungeon of doom. Where does Ser Jonah go? We have to wait and see.

Theon goes to get Moat Lailin, of course, pretending to be Theon. Again, I’m reminded of other movie quotes:

 “I'm the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!”
Theon (aka Theon) rides in with his white flag and talks them into surrender, only to have Ramsay betray them and flatten them all. Ramsay then gets daddy’s name and he becomes Ramsay Bolton (no longer a Snow). Ramsay is a sick freak. He's not an evil mastermind like LittleFinger, he's just twisted evil.

As Hound and Arya reach the Castle, they learn that aunt Lysa has died three days ago. Arya laughs like a loon! She’s losing it. Completely cracks up like a hyena.

Meanwhile, Littlefinger has to speak to a council regarding Lysa’s death. Finger states she was a crazy old lady! Utterly mad! She killed herself! They of course, don’t believe him and they call Sansa as a witness. She reveals her true name, and just when you think she’s going to rat on LF, she tells her own version of events. She says she was kidnapped and tortured by the evil twit Joffrey, forced to marry Tyrion, LF saved her! My auntie was a loon! Little is smitten!

Then down the stairs comes... Someone has a new look! Sansa is the Black Swan! Darker hair, black clothing. She’s on!

Then, the fight scene we’ve all been waiting for….err, welp, some of us were waiting for. While Jamie and Tyrion have a few words prior to the fight, Prince Oberyn has a pre-fight drink to loosen himself up. Mountain walks in and they start break-dance fighting. The beauty of Prince Oberyn’s twirls and twists. Mountain gets in a few hits, Oberyn smacks him back. Oberyn stabs him in the gut! He goes down!!

Oberyn taunts the Mountain “You raped my sister! You murdered her! You killed her children!” He keeps at it, telling him to say it! Say her name! Say it!! Oberyn asks “Who gave you the order?” and the Mountain looks over at the Lannisters! But of course! YAY Oberyn....um wait.

You think it’s over. Oberyn is distracted by a smile from Ellaria. Mountain grabs Oberyn's leg, knocks him down and jumps on him, repeating the words Oberyn threw at him “I raped your sister, I murdered her, I killed her children!” The freaking Mountain gouges Oberyn’s beautiful eyes out and crushes his skull. *shivers* Death to the sweet prince. *sniff sniff*  Then, as my bestie states “Mountain jumped on him, F-ed the life out of him, and rolled over on his back….totally spent.” Typical man.

Cersei is smug. She got what she wanted. Tyrion is sentenced to death by daddy, and he’s stunned. Jamie is in shock. 

What da hell just happened, y’all?  I read the books and KNEW what was coming, but still. Still. Freaking GoT killed me this week. And Oberyn. Goodnight Sweet Prince. 

Sigh. Okay, as if he wasn't awesome enough, check out this interview with Vanity Fair on how Pedro Pascal thinks what Price Oberyn Martel's funeral should look like:

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