Jason finds his healer – remember the dude who saved him last season by letting him drink from him? Sorry, I just can’t picture HIM in this scene, so he’s Mr. Healer. But y’all know who I’m talking about right, Willis?
“Didn’t make it easy” Jason states.
“I needed space. To think.” He replies.
“How’s that working out for you?” Jason asks.
Then Mr. Healer man asks “What about Violet?”
Well, Jay has it bad for her. I’d say after angry sex on the hood of his car, he better! But then he’s also hot for his healer. So Jay-Jay is all kinds of screwed up. First he goes after Vi on the car, then he tackles (yes, running start, taking him down) and seduces Healer Man. Holy Man Candy!
Jason’s been busy getting all kinds of busy. Oh wait, it was all a dream. IN CHURCH!!! Bad Jason! Bad! Go say 10 Hail Mary’s and 3 Our Fathers!
I can say this scene made every single one of my gay men on Facebook and Twitter majorly freak out, post a ton of “wow”s, “Holy Shit”s, and “Thank you True Blood for the first five minutes!” True Blood… An equal opportunity giver. And this one much better/hotter/insert your adjective here than the infamous “Wanna do me now? You’ve never done this before have you” from last season. Oh come on, you remember that shaving scene, right? Google that shit! It doesn’t hold a candle to the scene this week, but does show Jason’s man fascination when he dreams.
Sookie is still mind reading people, tells Andy about finding the dead body she tripped over last night and uses that to try to help everyone figure out where the HVamps are hiding. She leads Jason and Andy over to the body and they find the woman is from two towns over. Of course, the town has been obliterated by HVamps. Sook, Jason, Sam, Alcide, and … head over to St. Alice (or Elise depending on who you ask). Riding together, the come across the abandoned town aaaaand, we’re back to the Walking Dead. The sheriff, the mayor, the couple, the junior all find messages painted on boarded up buildings, on roofs, and on the streets. Some of it is reminiscent of Hurricane Katrina aftermath. Eerie. Cue creepy music. And a mass grave of bodies. And this WD pose.
They find the house of the dead girl and Jason does pizza forensics to find out that they attacked two and a half days ago, before going to Bon Temps. Andy sees all the family photos and decides he’s had a come to Jesus moment and he needs to stop being a pussy and marry Holly once he gets her back.
Meanwhile, Sook reads a diary of the dead girl who initially talks of happier times (and Sookie thinks of her early days with Bill), then the writing goes through the attacks of people and their disappearance, including that of the dead woman’s baby. Alcide takes the journal away. While they’re driving home, Sookie says it’s her fault for bringing this up on them. Alcide, being the supportive boyfriend, says she didn’t and she’s only guilty of falling for hard and fast for her first love. She confides that she’s afraid that their entire town is going to end up like St. Elise (or Alice, depending on who you ask), and Alcide says “not if we keep driving.” She says no. Dumb Sook.
Kenya is bitching, Rev. talks to Mayor Sam about doing something to keep the people occupied during the night. Keeping busy and being of service is the way to go, and asks humpty-dumpty’s men to help put Belle Fleurs back together again for Arlene. Andy’s daughter Adilyn is okay to help, but needs to be in by dark, and keep Jessica uninvited.
Everyone is at BelleFleurs cleaning up vamp goo, and then there’s a scream from the kitchen. A bunch of bodies were found in the freezer, and Vince tells Sam’s secret presto-chango shifter status. Vince convinces them to become self-sufficient and take up arms and protect themselves. Adilyn does the mind read thing and finds that someone is going to attack the sherrifs office and tells Kenya one moment before the Vince Mob rushes in to grab them and exert their God-given 2nd amendment rights.
Kenya states: “Don’t NRA Hillbilly me!” Yeehaw!
After Kenya is given the anti-affirmative action talk she switches sides and joins the fight. When she tries to handcuff Adilyn, she uses her fairy-stun-gun to zap Kenya, but not good enough. Adilyn and Wade are being led away. The mob attacks and steals the guns and tries target practice in the lobby of the station. People are goin’ Commando-Rambo crazy.
Mama-Mae decides to check in on Lafayette. She goes to his place to see how he’s holding up. Confesses that she lost Tara a long time ago, she said her peace and took care of her last night. Mama-Mae wants more. She says that Tara came back to her, her spirit came to her, and she needs her help getting over.
Faye snaps “That’s the V talkin’… You a drug addict you trifling bitch!”
They argue some more and Mama-Mae tells him “You’re going to hell”
Faye responds: “That’s what this is…”
Later, she accidently burns herself while cooking some fried chicken, then gets an idea on how to get her next fix. She then intentionally burns herself and talks Willa into sharing her blood to heal her until she can get to the hospital. Mama-Mae sucks that vein like a starving woman and immediately the burn heals. Lettie-Mae doesn’t know when to say enough is enough, and goes all sucky sucky and enters the blood-alternate-universe and sees Tara hanging from a cross in the forest with a serpent around her neck. Yes, I’m rambling.
Mama-Mae is hitting crazy town! Tara’s mumbling something that Mama-Mae can’t understand and cries out “I need the answer!” while Willa looks on in reality-land.
In the basement of Fangtasia, the HVamps are fighting amongst themselves after Ronnie hogged all the snack food in the basement to himself. Betty the elder tells everyone that while they may die, they don’t have to act like animals. She’s elected as the new reaper. Going downstairs, she see the quivering women and takes some blond chick Belinda out screaming. Meanwhile, Arlene recognizes Ms. Harris/Betty as her kids teacher and says she won’t eat them because she’s a teacher and all. Holly recognizes her kids teacher as well.
“She was the only teacher who said they were smart. I didn’t believe her but, bless her”Arlene recognizes the teacher and does the whole “If you tell a killer something personal about yourself they’re less likely to kill you” and talks up her kids experiences in Ms. Betty’s classroom.
She then delivers one of the two best lines of the night:
“Four lousy husbands, a serial killer boyfriend and sort-of suicide of my boyfriend to die in a dingy bar basement!”
Gotta love her.
Ms. Betty gets the HVamps to appoint her the sleep monitor and as she gets everyone else asleep, she goes down to the basement to help the women get out of town. After feeding on Arlene, she goes all hungry town and dies in a pool of steaming mush. *Shivers* I don’t know about you but that is NOT the kind of thing I want going on between my thighs!
The other awesome line from the women in the Vamp-basement:
“If somebody told me that I was going to die sober in a bar…”
Andy returns home and Adilyn is not home. Jessica calls out from the attic. Jessica knows through that whole blood connection that Adilyn line is in trouble and swears to help him after dark. Andy accuses Jessica of eating his last child! Jessica asks him to get his head out of his behind and figure out if he’s going to help with the search.
Sook and Alcide get home, she tells him he’s stinky and needs a shower before bed, but it’s only a ruse to get herself out of the house and over to Bills. Asking him “Can you still sense my fear? If I get myself into some serious shit, will you still be able to feel me.”
Pam is in a France, then goes to a basement of some kind. “Unfuckingbelievable.”
Some hooker in the basement says “he won’t take my blood. I don’t know what it is”. We see him, with the spiny veins showing the HVamp infection.
“You found me”
Next week: it’s a showdown between Sherrif Rick and The Governor. Um, I mean Andy and Vince.