Wednesday, June 25, 2014

True Blood Season 7, Ep. 1: Jesus Gonna Be Here. AKA Give me a sec while I get altered.

This season of True Blood is the last….not sure how I feel about that yet. One thing is for sure –this season seems to be a cross between TB and the Walking Dead. What? How’s that you ask? 

Well, It’s the attack of the Hep-V Vamps! They’re invading towns everywhere, sucking the life out of humans, obliterating the non-infected vamps. At the first ever “mixer” thrown by Mayor Sam Merlotte (this still makes me chuckle!), the match-maker vamp/human hook-ups were interrupted by the invasion. It’s a massacre! Sam’s woman Nicole, Arlene, and Holly are all taken away, and we find later that they’re chained in the basement of Fangtasia. When the beg the evil vamp not to kill them, he goes soft on the women an instead, rips the throat out of Deputy Kevin

Among the dead (or in Vampire world, splooshed) is Tara. DAMN IT. This is the second Tara killing that surprised me this year. The first of course being SOA Tara. Now TB Tara. Take a moment for the fallen Taras, will ya? 
Mama Mae and Tara...Or at least her innards.
Okay, back to blood. Everyone left alive goes inside Merlotte’s. Er. Make that BelleFleur’s.While everyone is freaking out, Sookie does some of her mind-reading and finds that most everyone is blaming her, including boy-toy Alcide. Puurrrrrrr. She walks home all pouty, trips over a dead chick, and gives Alcide a tongue-lashing when he gets home. Not that kind of tongue lashing – um, well. At least not yet. They argue, he goes to bed pissed, she gets naked, he’s already naked, and they kiss and make-up. Sookie-Sookie now! Again, puuuurrrrr. Alcide. Team Wolf Y’all!  

 Jessica apologized to Andy for eating his young. Andy’s not real forgiving and you can’t really blame him because she sucked the fairy blood out of his babies. She volunteered to watch over the only one she didn’t eat, Adilyn, and Andy accept but tells Adilyn “Do not invite her in this house!” Like a typical teen, she doesn’t listen to him and invites her in after Jessica has a show-down with some HVamp the size of a house! Jess is in just as the sun is rising, HVamp is out a goes out in a ball of flames outside the front door. 

old James / new James
Jessica’s boyfriend James (surprise surprise, new actor here),, is paired with Lafayette. Walking into to Lafayette’s, James remarks that he likes what he’s done with the place. Faye says it has that “ghetto je ne sais quoi”. He tells James, “I know you need to eat, but it is mother-fucking  mandatory that I get my brain out of this plane of existence right the fuck now. So give me a sec while I altered, then I’ll give you lunch.”

James motions to the bong and says,
 “Can I?” and proceeds to get high with Faye. Faye is not grieving over his cousin’s death because he did that the first time, remember. He’s empty. James talks about losing everyone in Nam, except he wasn’t there because he was a pacifist draft dodger. When he goes to his buddy’s parent’s house to give his condolences on losing them to the war, the friend’s dad beats the crap out of him and he’s saved by a vampire. 

Andy goes out with Bill to find Arlene and Holly. Sam is caught by Vince as he’s shifting back to a human. Vince threatens to out him to everyone, but Sam is able to talk him out of doing that for now. Jason is patrolling with some vamp-tramp and when she oversteps his man boundaries and exploded and lays the smack down on her. And by that I mean, he smacked her ass against the hood of his cop car and had some long overdue / angry sexy times.

“I’m going to fuck you. And you’re going to fuck me back.” 
Angry sex, angry sex, um, a bit much even for TB. 

Meanwhile, Pam is in Marrakesh having a Russian-roulette show down in a bar. She comes out the victor, and gets some intel on her maker…Eric. Remember what he was doing at the end of last season? Yah. You're welcome.
That’s before he lost his sun-shield and started to burn so we really have no idea what’s up with him at this point. Pam finds that the only children have clean blood in town, and despite the need to feed, she passes on the kiddie-blood. 

Mama Lettie-Mae heads back to freak-land and starts hearing/seeing things and needs to be calmed by the Rev. The next day she goes to get her church on, appearing more normal. During their church service the next day, Sookie walks in and puts her hand on Mama-Mae’s shoulder. She promptly turns around, grits her teeth and snarls: “don’t you touch me biatch!” and tells her what she really thinks of Sook. Sookie, doing her mind reading thing again, hears that everyone there feels the same way. She goes to leave, but looks back at everyone, tells them she can hear their thoughts, and that she’s lived here all her life, wah wah wah, I’m to blame wah wah wah, but I want to help.  

So what’s going to happen this season? Will Eric return? Will all the vampires not infected be killed by the infected? Will Sookie continue to whine and get naked? (that’s a given).Only this season will tell....

Oh, and one more for the road: 

Season 7 - the final season of True Blood.

More updates and snark to come each week! 

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